Afro American
Monday, August 23, 2010
how can one man save the world?...
"For god so loved the world he gave his only son".......dont wanna blasphem but they world aint saved yet.I mean shyt who am i to talk...as far as i know my dad was a damn big time drug dealer gang bangin crackhead...not no religion startin power havin big guy in da sky but that doesnt stop me from trying to save the world.every person that has come to know me i am more then just teddy the nigga who knows millions of females and has da answer to everything or tekneek da rapper neva scared to battle nebody murda anythign movin...they know Tashon Jerrel Tutt...the real me the guy who wants everybody to like him or they guy who is always there to consul anybody over any issue and usually have a remedy..but not this time this time i need help...i have spent the last couple years of my life dedicated to helpin my damn self when deep in my heart i want to help everyone around me i want zaria n khaya n lauren( my niece n 2 sisters) to be happy i want all my homeboys and they ppl to be happy but i mean damn i cant do it alone.all my life i have felt like if i make everybody around me happy then shyt maybe thing wud be easier for me u kno...i was fooled big time nobody gives a damn about how u feel or what ur tryin to do all they care about is them them them fuck them.....i mean when is a nice guy bein too nice namean? im the type of person who will give my all no matter what it is be it relationship friendship i dont give a damn im im doin a damn puzzle...ima solve dat bitch wit 110% effort namean so why when i try n try to help some people i give dat same effort yet nothing happens i mean nothing they dont change i dont feel any better nothing so what am i to do?.....how can i change da world if nobody wants to give even a lil bit of themselves to the cause nobdy wants to help out not even a lil bit.....shyt i say fuck nowadays and do my own thing i got enuff issues in my life then to worry about u and urz..i mean i wanna help sure im always hea but i refuse to put myself out der....hell naw fuck dat and fuck it well
Quality
okay as i sip my ginger tea and listen to lupe fiasco sunshine
i begin to remember when my sun would shine bright...and i begin to miss her
i begin to miss the good quailty of woman and begin to remember how i would sit up and just imagine a woman...My Dream Girl My Princess My Queen My REAL WOMAN....i mean where do i begin i feel as though she has fallen from the pedastol men have once put her on.In her own right yes she has begun to deteriorate from within herself and has caused her soul to become tainted with these illusions of grandeur and a life style that is in no way possible and shouldnt even be acceptable by any woman with with standing morals and character.For me it speaks to me how a woman carries herself.My Queen will never be spoken to or even speak or look at herself in such a way where as she feels remorse or any type of feelins towards her apperance...for she will hold her head up high and pay not regard to these false hope filled women...she will walk with the mind of a worldleader and the grace of a single white dove for her feather shall not flutter nor shall they be faultier as the move strong towards the mountain which i call true love and happiness...where she can rest her wings and enjoy her place as ruler of her empire where we shall grow and flurish as one...now i knowthis may sound like a fairytale or some sort of extreme type of game but man...when you think about who doesnt want a woman who is determined goal oriented knows what she wants and will not stop until she gets it...and if you and her are chasing the same thing i mean come on do you or even can u imagine the impact you will have on each others lifes?
i begin to remember when my sun would shine bright...and i begin to miss her
i begin to miss the good quailty of woman and begin to remember how i would sit up and just imagine a woman...My Dream Girl My Princess My Queen My REAL WOMAN....i mean where do i begin i feel as though she has fallen from the pedastol men have once put her on.In her own right yes she has begun to deteriorate from within herself and has caused her soul to become tainted with these illusions of grandeur and a life style that is in no way possible and shouldnt even be acceptable by any woman with with standing morals and character.For me it speaks to me how a woman carries herself.My Queen will never be spoken to or even speak or look at herself in such a way where as she feels remorse or any type of feelins towards her apperance...for she will hold her head up high and pay not regard to these false hope filled women...she will walk with the mind of a worldleader and the grace of a single white dove for her feather shall not flutter nor shall they be faultier as the move strong towards the mountain which i call true love and happiness...where she can rest her wings and enjoy her place as ruler of her empire where we shall grow and flurish as one...now i knowthis may sound like a fairytale or some sort of extreme type of game but man...when you think about who doesnt want a woman who is determined goal oriented knows what she wants and will not stop until she gets it...and if you and her are chasing the same thing i mean come on do you or even can u imagine the impact you will have on each others lifes?
Difficult Men
Atarah i want to dedicate this whole note to you the one who inspired this whole topic...lets get to it shall we?
Okay so its been said through the years that i am a very difficult person to love which i can say is true i mean its been years and years of stress from different Women i mean why should i trust any of them right? I mean they always saye the way a Man treats his mother is necessarily the way he will treat his Wife which for me this was far from true. I hated my mother up until a couple weeks ago and ill be the first one to tell you i would love any females with all my heart simply because i couldn't give that love to my mother so they way he wants to treat his mother is the way he will treat you should be the new saying right?.But back to basics....i have been asked to help explain why Men are difficult now while i cant speak for all Men i can speak for me and when i tell you it takes a Real Women to love me because as a Man there are certain things we feel as though we need. Loyalty.Trust..Respect.Honor and above all......Love UNCONDITIONAL LOVE....We want a Woman that can with stand out bullshit because in the end we know we will give her the world and fight to the death for our lady well shit....i know i will...But since i was a lil kid you know you see the females in school with the nice cloths and the prettiest of friends and as a true hood nigga...i was scared to approach any one of them i mean we could be friend all day sure but when it came down to being with one Man please you got better luck trying to get me to hang my self lol but sometimes a Man get lonely and you want a female but when you feel like you cant live up to her standards without evening talking to her one time a Man will make up in his mind that he is inadequate and will no longer pursue the girl of his dream simply because we as Men we are scared of failure never let any Man tell you different because if he is not afraid to fail i feel like he is okay with failure and as a Man... Man....that is just not acceptable.Sometimes Woman make it impossible for real Man to love them.A Man wants to be there for everything you can possible need we want to feel like we are more or less wanted then needed we want to have our Woman miss us when we are gone or we want our girl to cry on our shoulder instead of running to one of her funky ass lil home girls who is probably single her self and is going to do nothing but give her some fucked up advice that her momma gave her and that same advice very well maybe the reason why you lose you Man...think about it ladies how often do take your friends advice and lose your Man but because its advice form a friend you feel like the consequence was worth it and you are okay with losing him and say thank you friend.....mean while you miss the shit outta him and you don't want to tell her because you know now her advice ain't worth shit.....happens all the time....but back to Men....we struggle with love this we do we are terrified that the way we are longing and giving ourselves is not the right way and far to often do woman just let a Man love them any ol kind of way and settle for false love and fake hope and don't fight for the true love they should be receiving so men began to follow the footstep of all the bastard seeds they see loving wrong because those are the ones with the girls....think about it how often do you see some of the worlds most beautiful Women in a abusive relationship yet she doesn't wanna leave and he doesn't want to change...what can we do to change this start with your self ladies and Men start with yourself you have to understand what your heart needs and wants in a soul mate and you have to be able to see the fake from the real and vica versa.....
let me take a sip of my tea......
Now Men are strange creatures yes we are we do and we think in ways no one can really understand except the man committing the action can know.So with that being said picture this...you have in one hand a man who wants to do right by his woman he loves her dearly and will give his last oz of blood to support her life and in the other hand you have a selfish Woman a evil spirited wants nothing but everything for herself type Woman....what will happen people.....option A he can try to conform to her ways and become submissive allowing her to strip him of his pride and run him barren and strip him of whatever he has left that still was making him Man...now option b he can get the fuck on and try to find love somewhere else but since we are so afraid of being alone we allow situation like that to hold us and bind us and when we do come out the relationships finally we are so broken and torn we are like a caged lion just released into the wild....our heart is not in it...we aren't use to the fierceness of love and how great the feelings is and out soul is so small we cant hold it all so we fold and settle...damn.......what makes Real Man...is it his money? his worth in material things? the way he walks talks? or is it in his actions and the way he shows his self to the world and the way in which he handles situations and how he try's every day to do better for him and the ones he love? this is up to the Man himself and how he wants to precevied in the world....hope i didn't spell that wrong ...any way...it takes alot to be a Man and it is hard for a man to really open up to any woman simple because a Real Woman can destroy our very self esteem if we allow such things and a Real Woman can bind us with all her love and never let us go and as bad as we want that we are scared that we may get one of the many great pretenders out here and fall victim to a mulish love crime.Now its been a long time coming and Men as WHOLE still have a long way to go just as Women do too....but i don't see why if we know what makes us tick lets find someone who can do it in unison right?
Spoken Word
Okay so its been said through the years that i am a very difficult person to love which i can say is true i mean its been years and years of stress from different Women i mean why should i trust any of them right? I mean they always saye the way a Man treats his mother is necessarily the way he will treat his Wife which for me this was far from true. I hated my mother up until a couple weeks ago and ill be the first one to tell you i would love any females with all my heart simply because i couldn't give that love to my mother so they way he wants to treat his mother is the way he will treat you should be the new saying right?.But back to basics....i have been asked to help explain why Men are difficult now while i cant speak for all Men i can speak for me and when i tell you it takes a Real Women to love me because as a Man there are certain things we feel as though we need. Loyalty.Trust..Respect.Honor and above all......Love UNCONDITIONAL LOVE....We want a Woman that can with stand out bullshit because in the end we know we will give her the world and fight to the death for our lady well shit....i know i will...But since i was a lil kid you know you see the females in school with the nice cloths and the prettiest of friends and as a true hood nigga...i was scared to approach any one of them i mean we could be friend all day sure but when it came down to being with one Man please you got better luck trying to get me to hang my self lol but sometimes a Man get lonely and you want a female but when you feel like you cant live up to her standards without evening talking to her one time a Man will make up in his mind that he is inadequate and will no longer pursue the girl of his dream simply because we as Men we are scared of failure never let any Man tell you different because if he is not afraid to fail i feel like he is okay with failure and as a Man... Man....that is just not acceptable.Sometimes Woman make it impossible for real Man to love them.A Man wants to be there for everything you can possible need we want to feel like we are more or less wanted then needed we want to have our Woman miss us when we are gone or we want our girl to cry on our shoulder instead of running to one of her funky ass lil home girls who is probably single her self and is going to do nothing but give her some fucked up advice that her momma gave her and that same advice very well maybe the reason why you lose you Man...think about it ladies how often do take your friends advice and lose your Man but because its advice form a friend you feel like the consequence was worth it and you are okay with losing him and say thank you friend.....mean while you miss the shit outta him and you don't want to tell her because you know now her advice ain't worth shit.....happens all the time....but back to Men....we struggle with love this we do we are terrified that the way we are longing and giving ourselves is not the right way and far to often do woman just let a Man love them any ol kind of way and settle for false love and fake hope and don't fight for the true love they should be receiving so men began to follow the footstep of all the bastard seeds they see loving wrong because those are the ones with the girls....think about it how often do you see some of the worlds most beautiful Women in a abusive relationship yet she doesn't wanna leave and he doesn't want to change...what can we do to change this start with your self ladies and Men start with yourself you have to understand what your heart needs and wants in a soul mate and you have to be able to see the fake from the real and vica versa.....
let me take a sip of my tea......
Now Men are strange creatures yes we are we do and we think in ways no one can really understand except the man committing the action can know.So with that being said picture this...you have in one hand a man who wants to do right by his woman he loves her dearly and will give his last oz of blood to support her life and in the other hand you have a selfish Woman a evil spirited wants nothing but everything for herself type Woman....what will happen people.....option A he can try to conform to her ways and become submissive allowing her to strip him of his pride and run him barren and strip him of whatever he has left that still was making him Man...now option b he can get the fuck on and try to find love somewhere else but since we are so afraid of being alone we allow situation like that to hold us and bind us and when we do come out the relationships finally we are so broken and torn we are like a caged lion just released into the wild....our heart is not in it...we aren't use to the fierceness of love and how great the feelings is and out soul is so small we cant hold it all so we fold and settle...damn.......what makes Real Man...is it his money? his worth in material things? the way he walks talks? or is it in his actions and the way he shows his self to the world and the way in which he handles situations and how he try's every day to do better for him and the ones he love? this is up to the Man himself and how he wants to precevied in the world....hope i didn't spell that wrong ...any way...it takes alot to be a Man and it is hard for a man to really open up to any woman simple because a Real Woman can destroy our very self esteem if we allow such things and a Real Woman can bind us with all her love and never let us go and as bad as we want that we are scared that we may get one of the many great pretenders out here and fall victim to a mulish love crime.Now its been a long time coming and Men as WHOLE still have a long way to go just as Women do too....but i don't see why if we know what makes us tick lets find someone who can do it in unison right?
Spoken Word
Dirty Laundry.....time to clean up
no one like to do it
no one wants to be the one
to drag all the dirty laundry out the house
stuff the washer and wait...
wait for all the filth and all the grim to be washed away
a minor task to some
some even do it on a more hands on approach but we all do it
our dirty laundry
the stress from a long week can stain the brands of a new shirt
the tears soaked into her sheets as she cried herself to sleep
the blood from the fight
all of this is our dirty laundry
we let them build and pile up waiting til the right time
filling out bags with the hurt from a years past and the shame of yesterdays breakup
we wash
we take care in our cycles for we run our first to make sure all of all darkest secrets become clean letting them out to dry the folding them nice and neat just to pack them away again
the our purest white lies we take care with these hoping no one see us being as gentle as we can
we wash
finally when as is said and done we take our time and fold up our hurt and our pain and suffering all the tears we shed and blood we spill we pack them nice and tight to give the illusion everything is just fine
so as we make a end to our laundry session we take pride in the work we done
we have washed away all shame all doubt all the pressure of the world....
and we are clean
no one wants to be the one
to drag all the dirty laundry out the house
stuff the washer and wait...
wait for all the filth and all the grim to be washed away
a minor task to some
some even do it on a more hands on approach but we all do it
our dirty laundry
the stress from a long week can stain the brands of a new shirt
the tears soaked into her sheets as she cried herself to sleep
the blood from the fight
all of this is our dirty laundry
we let them build and pile up waiting til the right time
filling out bags with the hurt from a years past and the shame of yesterdays breakup
we wash
we take care in our cycles for we run our first to make sure all of all darkest secrets become clean letting them out to dry the folding them nice and neat just to pack them away again
the our purest white lies we take care with these hoping no one see us being as gentle as we can
we wash
finally when as is said and done we take our time and fold up our hurt and our pain and suffering all the tears we shed and blood we spill we pack them nice and tight to give the illusion everything is just fine
so as we make a end to our laundry session we take pride in the work we done
we have washed away all shame all doubt all the pressure of the world....
and we are clean
Love wont let me wait
As the clock strikes 3
i sit
and i wait
wait for my love
where has she gone for it has been far to long
i have watched as we have grown from puppy love to great dane hearts
i love how she loves me
her kiss is what i miss most of all
lips as precious as jasmine flowers i wish she were here
i need that love
that bright star burning sensation she gives me
my heart
i desire her love as a patients desires care
i require her heart as she deserves myne
i love her
i miss her
my mami when will she come back home............
i sit
and i wait
wait for my love
where has she gone for it has been far to long
i have watched as we have grown from puppy love to great dane hearts
i love how she loves me
her kiss is what i miss most of all
lips as precious as jasmine flowers i wish she were here
i need that love
that bright star burning sensation she gives me
my heart
i desire her love as a patients desires care
i require her heart as she deserves myne
i love her
i miss her
my mami when will she come back home............
Silent Cries
a smooth silences enter you as you sit and wonder
why the silent cries
can no one hear your screams?
does anyone know your hurt
.........
he does
he who
God does
and he always is listening
your silent nights are not in vain God sits with you through the pain
his love is everlasting no matter what path your walking
god is every present
the silent pains will go away and the night will become day
the world is rough and time are too
but thank God for Obama cause now we can make it through
i sit some times and i wonder how will thing get better
then i thank God for the alphabet and every letter i thank god for words that help me to speak and the mind he gave me to stay on my feet
there are no such things as silent scream all cries a heard when you lift your voice you soul flies off like a a bird no one can take your soul no one can snatch you gift cause God is waiting for you at the end of your long road and thats about it
why the silent cries
can no one hear your screams?
does anyone know your hurt
.........
he does
he who
God does
and he always is listening
your silent nights are not in vain God sits with you through the pain
his love is everlasting no matter what path your walking
god is every present
the silent pains will go away and the night will become day
the world is rough and time are too
but thank God for Obama cause now we can make it through
i sit some times and i wonder how will thing get better
then i thank God for the alphabet and every letter i thank god for words that help me to speak and the mind he gave me to stay on my feet
there are no such things as silent scream all cries a heard when you lift your voice you soul flies off like a a bird no one can take your soul no one can snatch you gift cause God is waiting for you at the end of your long road and thats about it
Caramel Delight
As the sun creeps through the shades and places a soft kiss on your warm cheek
i roll over and realize just how blessed i am to lay next to angel
you hair is long and black like the night sky
if only i can show you just how special you are to me
you lips are like the rose in the garden of eden
your smile is the source of my happiness and the great equalizer to my world
i await every moment i can get with you and i wish that your love will never go away
the root sof our love tree has fused together and grown into such a wondeful sight
a tree bearing the pure fruit of love and the true essence of passion
we have flourished into a grand symphony of wind instruments with every kiss you blow my way
i love you like the sun love the sky how the bird loves to fly
i love you with all my might
as i stare into your eyes i takle time to count every eyelash on your eye....each one is a blessing...
as i watch you breath in and out your body inhaling the breath of a fresh daya nd exhaling the hurt from yesterdays pain
i wonder is there any more i can do any way i can be a better man maybe yes sometimes no
i wish for your love to be the only thing that keeps me flowing and that your heart pumps with the fires of a love bound to last
as logn as i breath i promise you will always be my caramel delight
i roll over and realize just how blessed i am to lay next to angel
you hair is long and black like the night sky
if only i can show you just how special you are to me
you lips are like the rose in the garden of eden
your smile is the source of my happiness and the great equalizer to my world
i await every moment i can get with you and i wish that your love will never go away
the root sof our love tree has fused together and grown into such a wondeful sight
a tree bearing the pure fruit of love and the true essence of passion
we have flourished into a grand symphony of wind instruments with every kiss you blow my way
i love you like the sun love the sky how the bird loves to fly
i love you with all my might
as i stare into your eyes i takle time to count every eyelash on your eye....each one is a blessing...
as i watch you breath in and out your body inhaling the breath of a fresh daya nd exhaling the hurt from yesterdays pain
i wonder is there any more i can do any way i can be a better man maybe yes sometimes no
i wish for your love to be the only thing that keeps me flowing and that your heart pumps with the fires of a love bound to last
as logn as i breath i promise you will always be my caramel delight
Life
it hard to tell someone how your life is most people dont have the time to actually listen or 90% dont really care but what if you had the chance to tell the world your story...what would you say would you tell them about all the great thing you have done or would you lie and embelish something make it seem like you life is more amazing then it really is would you take your time and really get into how deep your thoughts are or would you cut them short and hope that they caught on quick enough.some time you wish your life was better then it really is your wathcing things on t.v or you see something you might want and you remember just how much money you dont have and your hurt...is that life what is life....how do you live when you feel like there is nothing for you and all that you thought you had is gone how do you live your life when the whole world is down...what do you do?....for me i just keep pushing on i dont let the sorrow of the world corrupt my mind i mean i understand there are people who are worse off in then i am.most times i sit and i daydream on how much i wish i had but i dont let my worries dictate how i live my life.i have been through many things in my life and i never forget just how much i have been thought.My history is my life and what i have to accomplish is my life i know i have a long way to go to only be 20 years old i havent been alive long but i have been through hell and back and back again and all i can do is thank god for the life i do have cause it could be worse off...i could be homeless laying in a park bench somewhere yet i have family that loves me and is willing to care for me as long as i need it...that is love...that is life.....your life should be who you keep around you as friends and the people who actually love and care for you the same as you care for them....i mean sometimes you cant change how people think but you can help them and give them a clear view of your point of view you can always sit back and think man...am i really in charge of my life or do i let the television and the radio and all the nay sayers run your life do you have to listen to everything you hear do you have to become another one of the brain washed individuals in the world who dont know nothing but what they see and want all the shiny things in life instead of the true things that actually have real value and meaning like family and friends not money ...you should measure your life in love...all the love you give...the love your receive....everything that love has to offer you you should accept it and take it for what it is love is a sure thing nothing can turn you away from love.so what does your life mean to you do you wish you had more or do you wish you could change somethings are you happy with the life you lead or do you want more out of it...to be honest it is always up to you you determine where you life will go and how you live your life so never let anyone or anything tell you different if you love something love it to the fullest cause you never know when it will be gone.
Hold On
Hold on she said as she watched them take him away
he did what he felt he had to do so now this is the price he has to pay
her eyes flood with tears and rain falls down her face
his heart filled with shame and he cant look in her face
the tone of the judges voice screams disgust as he issues his sentence
25 to life for the crime he has been sentenced
all he wanted was the wallet he didnt want to shoot em
but dude made a move and his nerves jumped to em
BLAW!!the gun fires off a round the man grabs his heart and heads to the ground
i didnt mean to do it that was not my plan
but with the gun in his hand there lays a dead man
25 to life the sound rings bells through his head
cell door closes and he just sits on his bed
why didnt he listen all he had to do was submit
give up the wallet and he wouldnt be in this shit
so the days turn to nights and the nights into years your boys soul is crushed
not to sure he going to make it alive outta here
the image of his woman tears falling down her face is all he has left
as he replays his life in rewind up until his demise
25 to life what more can be said
so he lays down and holds on to the good thoughts in his head
he did what he felt he had to do so now this is the price he has to pay
her eyes flood with tears and rain falls down her face
his heart filled with shame and he cant look in her face
the tone of the judges voice screams disgust as he issues his sentence
25 to life for the crime he has been sentenced
all he wanted was the wallet he didnt want to shoot em
but dude made a move and his nerves jumped to em
BLAW!!the gun fires off a round the man grabs his heart and heads to the ground
i didnt mean to do it that was not my plan
but with the gun in his hand there lays a dead man
25 to life the sound rings bells through his head
cell door closes and he just sits on his bed
why didnt he listen all he had to do was submit
give up the wallet and he wouldnt be in this shit
so the days turn to nights and the nights into years your boys soul is crushed
not to sure he going to make it alive outta here
the image of his woman tears falling down her face is all he has left
as he replays his life in rewind up until his demise
25 to life what more can be said
so he lays down and holds on to the good thoughts in his head
Candy Lady
She is my sugar rush my sweet tooth and my honey melting pot
he eyes captivate your soul and have your breathless with the slightest squint
her eyes resemble the moon on a full night..bright and beautiful
those exotic eyes make me feel as if she can see right through and read my naked mind
exposing all my naughty thoughts i just hope she cant see me...can she see me?
in the end it doesnt matter the looks of pure seduction on my face gives away my position
i wish for the moment to grab a firm hold of her waist and pull her in for the deepest most passionate kiss in her life...where the stars float past her eyes and her lips tingle with exstacy
one where she has to grab ahold of me to keep from falling to her knees
those are the kisses i will plant on her body
blazing a trail from the nape of her neck down in between the valley of her breast
spinning the ball of my tongue ring right down to her belly button
where i pause and dip into her 3 times one for the past one for the present and a 3rd for the exstacy to come
i want to move my way down in between her thighs pushing her legs into the air i places kisses up and down the back of her legs up to her calf muscles even planting a kiss on every one of her toes
i am infatuated with her scent and i breath deeply as she fills my life with pleasure
i bite down on the inside of her right thigh i play with her until she is at breaking point in which i take part of tasting her passion fruit....the sweetest thing i have ever known let me suck from the nectar of life and taste her love and let my wild untamed nature feast off of her body
til i am full...so sweet
as she grips the sheets and arches her back she bite down into her bottom lip holding back the coming screams i can feel her walls gripping down on me and he lips give me a wet kiss...she spills her creamy goodness all across her thighs as i take time to lick up every drop i replay the scene in my head a few more times before i remove my head from between her legs and kiss my way back up to her breast she grabs my head and gives me the biggest kiss tasting her very own nectar from the tip of my tongue......
she is satisfied
he eyes captivate your soul and have your breathless with the slightest squint
her eyes resemble the moon on a full night..bright and beautiful
those exotic eyes make me feel as if she can see right through and read my naked mind
exposing all my naughty thoughts i just hope she cant see me...can she see me?
in the end it doesnt matter the looks of pure seduction on my face gives away my position
i wish for the moment to grab a firm hold of her waist and pull her in for the deepest most passionate kiss in her life...where the stars float past her eyes and her lips tingle with exstacy
one where she has to grab ahold of me to keep from falling to her knees
those are the kisses i will plant on her body
blazing a trail from the nape of her neck down in between the valley of her breast
spinning the ball of my tongue ring right down to her belly button
where i pause and dip into her 3 times one for the past one for the present and a 3rd for the exstacy to come
i want to move my way down in between her thighs pushing her legs into the air i places kisses up and down the back of her legs up to her calf muscles even planting a kiss on every one of her toes
i am infatuated with her scent and i breath deeply as she fills my life with pleasure
i bite down on the inside of her right thigh i play with her until she is at breaking point in which i take part of tasting her passion fruit....the sweetest thing i have ever known let me suck from the nectar of life and taste her love and let my wild untamed nature feast off of her body
til i am full...so sweet
as she grips the sheets and arches her back she bite down into her bottom lip holding back the coming screams i can feel her walls gripping down on me and he lips give me a wet kiss...she spills her creamy goodness all across her thighs as i take time to lick up every drop i replay the scene in my head a few more times before i remove my head from between her legs and kiss my way back up to her breast she grabs my head and gives me the biggest kiss tasting her very own nectar from the tip of my tongue......
she is satisfied
Love Song
As she opens her mouth to sing i close my eyes and feel the warmth of her tone flowing over my skin
her words are pure sex to my ears and i am instantly turned on
as she continues to sing i can feel her words dancing circles down my spine
i love the way she makes me feel
the bass from the instrumental rocks my heart and rattles my soul
i can sense her heatwave of emotions pounding in through her vocal waves
i am mesmerized by her song
she controls my every thought and manipulates my soul with her words
she lays claim to my spirit as she violates me in the most pleasurable ways imagined
as she reaches her high note she brings my boil to a point of no return and i am ready to climax to her beat
as her song comes to a end so does our love dance
i cant wait to hear the remix
her words are pure sex to my ears and i am instantly turned on
as she continues to sing i can feel her words dancing circles down my spine
i love the way she makes me feel
the bass from the instrumental rocks my heart and rattles my soul
i can sense her heatwave of emotions pounding in through her vocal waves
i am mesmerized by her song
she controls my every thought and manipulates my soul with her words
she lays claim to my spirit as she violates me in the most pleasurable ways imagined
as she reaches her high note she brings my boil to a point of no return and i am ready to climax to her beat
as her song comes to a end so does our love dance
i cant wait to hear the remix
Please dont go.......a love story
i havent been able to write nothing for along time
as i sit and replay the events in my mind
last time i saw you u say breathless on the couch
crying you pretty brown eyes out
last time i heard from you it was screaming
tellin me im nothing and you truly mean it
last thing i said was fyne fuck you instead
the only thing left to do is walk away
i havent been able to eat sleep or drink
time seems to go on for ever every minute you are away
the joy has left me and i feel so alone no love left in my heart
no place to call home
as i wander the streets i look for love in a strangers face
no one can replace the way you make me feel
like my skin tingles like the touch from a eel or
how my heart races when you put your kisses in special places
like my cheek how warm is use to be from your touch
i miss u so much
i need to relive the good times and not dwell on the past cause the future cant not be fortold
but the present is the only gift that will last
i need some type of answers all i saw was flame in you eyes
you word cut like a knife and the blood tells no lies
it hurt to see you crying it pains me to see you hurt
i feel like my love is dying like she has one foot in the dirt
i dont want to lose you again and i know i cant do this any more
my heart is weaken by the screams and its sore
soft spot blown right to the center of my beating heart
oh lawd where do i start i cant get you out of my mind i need you like the sun needs the sky
how air needs to breath
how fish need the sea
i need you more than you need me
so please baby please dont leave me alone
for this house will no longer be a home
so change your mind come back and love me again
cause i cant be with out my woman and i dont want to lose a friend
as i sit and replay the events in my mind
last time i saw you u say breathless on the couch
crying you pretty brown eyes out
last time i heard from you it was screaming
tellin me im nothing and you truly mean it
last thing i said was fyne fuck you instead
the only thing left to do is walk away
i havent been able to eat sleep or drink
time seems to go on for ever every minute you are away
the joy has left me and i feel so alone no love left in my heart
no place to call home
as i wander the streets i look for love in a strangers face
no one can replace the way you make me feel
like my skin tingles like the touch from a eel or
how my heart races when you put your kisses in special places
like my cheek how warm is use to be from your touch
i miss u so much
i need to relive the good times and not dwell on the past cause the future cant not be fortold
but the present is the only gift that will last
i need some type of answers all i saw was flame in you eyes
you word cut like a knife and the blood tells no lies
it hurt to see you crying it pains me to see you hurt
i feel like my love is dying like she has one foot in the dirt
i dont want to lose you again and i know i cant do this any more
my heart is weaken by the screams and its sore
soft spot blown right to the center of my beating heart
oh lawd where do i start i cant get you out of my mind i need you like the sun needs the sky
how air needs to breath
how fish need the sea
i need you more than you need me
so please baby please dont leave me alone
for this house will no longer be a home
so change your mind come back and love me again
cause i cant be with out my woman and i dont want to lose a friend
Friends.....Tree of Life
sometime i get so caught up in this web shit that i forget that the real friends are the ones you can see when you want too or talk to on the phone not just people that have you marked down as a friend for the sake of having more people to have be apart of their page i have actual friends who i hang with and who are there for me when i need them i dont ask for much just loyalty and respect basic principles you know i mean so many times have i gotten phone calls and been like who is this and people have the nerve to get mad i tell em like this if i aint heard from you in two straight weeks your ass is deleted out of my phone simple right?....well to some people its cruel and mean but i say what s mean is when you have people who again your trust and once they have it they do whatever they please with it that hurts or people who say they are down for you down for whatever right and when the time comes they are no where to be found is astonishes me just how often i get lied to when it tell everyone i have been hurt so much i expect the worse so aint no need to lie to me and its sad that i can admit that but at least i know that about myself what can be said for you? do you know just who you are? do you know who all your real friends are?.....you have to look at it like this you are the tree right and people well there are 3 types of people you have those who hang around for a season they get what they need and what they want and when its there time they go they are the leaves these are the people who come around only when the need something or when things are going good for you they dont have much to offer just something to look at you know maybe a girlfriend who you really dont like or cant stand but she is just nice to look at of a friend who all he does is nag and complain but you hang out with him cause he always offers to pay for everything type or the ones who you only go out with to party because you know they can get you in somewhere people these are the ones we cant hold on to cause they will only fall off as soon as their time is up you have tons of these types of friends......then you have the people who they are good friends they stick around through thick and thin when you need someone to lean on they are there you have sometimes you may not agree with everything they do and yall have yall times when you dot get along and during the winter it is really ugly cause all your flashy friends are gone and these are the one you have that stick around through the hardship these are good friends sometimes when you get into it real bad they break off and never come back but thats is okay because you have other friends that you can rely on these are the branches to your tree.......then you have the roots the few that are stuck with you through life and all it has to offer the good the bad and the ugly the ones who never judge you cause they know just what your about they know what to expect from you and you never have to look far for these friend cause they are always close by they help you in your time off need they feed your tree of life they are the ones who hold you firm to your beliefs and dont shake for anything they are not going anywhere these are the roots to your tree......you see people are simple to explain you just have to find the right way to say it i mean i would love for all my friends to be roots or branches even but it just doesnt work that way you have to learn to play your position and watch for the leaves to fall and the branches to snap i know sometimes it get hard to the point where you dont know what to do but thats when you call on your roots to make you remember just who you are and what they are too you and help keep you grounded
Nervous Breakdown..The truth about what happened that thursday night and why i am the way i am so you can say this is my life!!!
* Disinterest in work or family life
* Disinterest in social life or alienation from previously close friends and family
* Sleep disruption or much longer periods of sleep
* Significant changes in appetite, such as eating too little or too much
* Paranoid thoughts, such as the thought people are trying to harm you
* Thoughts of grandeur or invincibility
* Feelings of persistent anxiety or panic attacks
* Hearing voices
* Seeing people who are not there
* Thoughts of dying or wish to die
* Exhibiting strong or violent anger
* Having flashbacks to a prior traumatic event
* Increasing dependence on alcohol or drugs
* Inability to pursue a normal life, normal activities or normal relationships
these are all the signs of a nervous breakdown and all the symptoms of one too now for many night i have been thinking to myself why do they have me on these damn medication and taking the god forsaken pills i dont trust pills and i know aint shit wrong with me i just had a nervous breakdown and here is why......right after high school my life seemed like it was going good until i lost my job and lost my apartment i lose all my cloths everything i own and i was left with nothing i was homeless for a few days and i didnt like what the fuck what going on in my life i really didnt now i got doctors telling me something is wrong with me but no one is listening to my story no one hears my side of what the fuck is going on in my life as all yall can see my writings touch so many lives this is the only thing no one can ever take away from em they can call me liar all they want call me names say what ever the fuck they want but i am still going to be tashon jerrel tutt til the day i fucking die which by the way is no fucking time soon...i curse because thats who i am aint nobody in the world change that i been smoking weed since i was 13 i actually tried it when i was 9 and been hooked every since the only drug that i trust its all natural its regualr earth grown herb it wasnt no damn drug that made me flip out it was my situation in lifew i got fed up i mean come on now i witnesses somebody who reminded me of every one i every felt close to in my life i witnessed her death her lifeless body and i mean this lady had so much love in her heart her name was annyre cooke a old woman 89 years old would have been 90 in december i spent 3 days next to this woman i spent 3 days listening to her life story listenin to all the good and the bad in her life she is the one who made me believe in something more than myself i never was close to a stranger like that before she reminded me of my madea how she cared about every child even ones that wasnt hers she wanted the best for everybody and wanted good from everybody i mean i loved this woman i spent 3 days waking up int he morning i went right by her bedside she was a diabetic who had no legs and she couldnt walk and she couldnt see much she had bad eye sight but she knew me when i crossed her path she always called me out .....tj....tj.......you there you there ...tj....and she loved me just seeing the smile on her face was so much to me i mean i use to sit in her room and listen to her tell her life story and she made me feel like she was my mother we called her mama she she was like my mother not saying my mom is not good cause she is but everybody has there secret and the skeletons in their closet and when people secrets get close to be slipped out they erupt in ways they dont even know i mean i love my mom dont get me wrong i just dont like some of the things she does now my mother is grown and i cant make her do anything i want like sometimes the way she speaks is so harsh it makes me feel like a piece of shit she doesnt know that but it does and if i tried to tell her that she would just say im full of shit cause trust me i have heard it from her all my life i mean my mom is a great person but when it comes to raising a man she couldnt do it she just couldnt and it took the street and my father to mold me and i love the way i am today but back to mama.....i spent 3 days with her and 4 3 days i grew more and more in love with this woman she had a heart of gold and a mind of peace she just wanted to watch her christian television channel and eat her crackers drink her tea and be peaceful she never yelled at anybody she doesnt curse she was a good woman and i had to witness her death i was in the house when i heard the screams i knew what was wrong i knew she wasnt here anymore i took it so hard i could have never believed it i mean after her death i feel down into a spiral of depression and remorse for her i never lost somebody i mean sure i dont talk to alot of people but her death made it clear to me that i was not ment to go thru the world unloved and when she died lord knows i couldnt deal with it i lost my mind i roamed the streets iw ent crazy for a little bit people think i cant replay the whole situation out in my head and replay every single detail of what happened that night but i can cause my vision was on point my life was on point i was just snapping back to reality i couldnt believe she was gone i was calling out i want my mama but i realize i wasnt calling for my mom i was calling for her i was walkin up the street so filled with anger at god for taking such a beautiful woman i didnt know what to do with myself she made me feel like no matter how fucked up iw as i could always smile i mean this woman had false teeth bad eye sight no legs stuck ina bed for so long of her life and she was happy nothing bothered her she is the one i thank for gettin my mind back to where it needed to be going back to school was because of her and coming back to my moms house.....her idea when i tell you guys this woman showed me how much life can mean and how precious things are and how grateful we should be i could help but be touched i mean i have spent so much of my life hatign people for what they have done to me but that night i called my mother out on some of her bullshit and she looked at me like oh you dont have a clue on what your talkin about but im nto dumb i know my mother better then her wife knows her i grew up with this lady i know my mother cause i get myw ays from her my attitude is from my mom i mean when i was a kid i use to get the shit kicked out of me wasnt no ordinary beating this was i was scared to go home as a child i was being beat so bad i use to sit on the bus on the ride home dreading going home and it seemed like nothing i could do or nothing i could say would make the beatings stop i use to get the shit kicked out of me people believe it or not and leave it up to my mother all she is going to say si well leave it up to yall i didnt do shit as amother i was just some bitch and dis and dat and dat and dis cause she doesnt want to accept the fact the she abused us a kid and some of the things she did was not healthy then she wonders why i turned out they way i did she doesnt want it to be on her head and i can completely understand i mean i wouldnt want the mental health of my only son to be so fucked up due to continuous beatings and what at the time seemed like torture i mean i can go on for days how i was beat but im not going to cause i think you guys get the picture i was hard like i remember one time i got beat right and she was tearing my ass up and all i rememebr was her tellin me to get out the house and i ran out the side door in my boxers some socks and a tshirt and i ran down that street and made a right turn down the second street to yourr ight and landed at my homegirls house and asked to use there fone that night i spent it at my aunts house aunt val they came to my rescue but i knew it wouldnt last cause all she was going to do is come and get me the next day but i stayed there as long as i could see its shit like that that i remember that if i tried to bring it up every one has amnesia and dont remember shit and i get looked at like im crazy cause i remember all the bad shit see we have this thing in my family where shit goes down and we dont talk about well now im tired of keeping my damn mouth shut im 20 years old and i been holding this shit back so long its eattin away at me like i said earlier no matter what they do they can never take away my writings.i mean i wish there was someway i can tell my mom i remember every single beating she had every given me and every curse word she has said to me and every mean thing she has every said to me from telling me she wish she never had me to she dont know why im here to i cant live with her to she hates me all type of shit but as a man A FUCKING MAN i swallowed my pride and took it and thats all i can do is take it i mean i cant fight my mother i cant put my hands on my mother i mean i can but i wont see what people fail to realize is you have choices and sometimes the choices you make effects others in your life like i use to think nobody loved me when i was a kid so i loved everybody i came in to contact with my mom is a lesbian which i found out long before she told me sicne i was nosey i found out alot of shit i wasnt suppose to know but i love woman because of my mom now leave it up to her she will just say im full of shit ima fucking liar im this im that and it heard it all before so i am use to it i expect it rather for my mom to say good things is rare she doesnt know i really do care about her well being and shit its just when she gets evil its hard for me to see past the evil shit sicne thats all i remember from my child hood i dont every remember my om taking us to the zoo or out to a park to just play or just take us out to be a family togethr because her thing is money money money yuo dont need money to be happy which i way i chose to live my life carefree but i use to get in trouble for being so no chalant its not that its just that i have enough stress in my life i dont worry about money that much i know its important but if your doing what you have to do then you will be alright right?....well not always but you make your life whatever it is you can make it easy or you can make it hard i choose to make my life carefree and stress free so as far as is ee it my life is easy its s depression people do you really think im get a job tomorrow hell no do you think i have a better chance if my black ass would have went to school the first year you damn right....life kicked my ass and made me realize i needed to get my shit straight no some people say its god this is what i say i always believed ina higher being i use to study Buddhism which i really like that religion cause it teachs you to be happy with just yourself and i love there teachings i just decided to give my higher being the name of my god im not christian or baptisit none of that i just believe in my god and my god is making sure i dont do nothing stupid to fuck up m life say what you want i always had that i dont give a fuck attitude like my mom would say about shit so what make you think ima care what anybody says about my beliefs? you damn right i wont and the way i act and the shit i do do i feel like some things were wrong yes was i the perfect child by far hell no i mean i was kid and should have been understood and treated as one i never thought i would have to go thru what i went thru i mean it was so bad i thought i wouldnt make it past 16 so for me to be even 20 is a good thing for me you know i mean i dont like to worry so i never do i dont like stress so i dont bring it upon myself but for one night i mean one night in my life i had everybodies attention and their first thought of me is oooo shit he is crazy dammit im not crazy just misunderstood lol its funny cause i laugh alot and smile alot and am i wrong......should i be down trotted and have my head hung low just cause sumbody called me a mean name or tried to hurt myf eelins hell no if i dont let my own mothers word get to me what makes you think anybody else harsh statments is going to move me i learned from a beautiful woman to take like wiht a grain of salt and live like there is no tomorrow do what you want and be happy this woman annrye was a beautiful soul and i love her with all my heart and it pains me to know she will not be around to see me graduate but i have my mother and after all the years os bullshit i have forgiven her i just wont ever forget namean its easy to forgive its another thing to forget which i will never do i smoked made weed and they say weed is suppose to make you stupid but im one of the smartest mufuccas i know now i forget ill admit that but who doesnt so i mean did i stop smoking yes am i glad i mean i wasn addicted so its not like its killin me cause im not smoking so like i said you make choices in your life and you do thing by impulse or by your heart and brain i live by my heart and i go with my feelings ima an emotional mufucca sorry i dont regret being emotional im very passionate ima caring im lovin i am all these things in one person and i am not confused and i dont need no damn doctor trying to shrink me cause i know what the fuck my problem is i just need somebody to talk to so the next time i go see doctor martin and we get the talkin ima go in there alone cause for some stranger reason i cant say these things in front of my mom cause to her im spreadin lies but i know its only because how my mother was raised is they reason she treats me the way she does its that slave mentality there is a book about it i never read it but i know theres a book i saw it in antwon fisher from what he said lol its a good book but i believe it even though i never read the book cause it makes sense to me the way you were rasied will affect how you raise your kids i mean soemthing just make sense ima simple dude i dont look to deep into things really i mean i never have so why start now lol well look this is gettin to be verylong so ima cut it short by saying this is why i am the way i am the loving the cursing the scream the caring the tears the joy the smiles and laughs this is why and if you dont like it oh fucking well what you going to do try to change me?.....lol GOOD LUCK
* Disinterest in social life or alienation from previously close friends and family
* Sleep disruption or much longer periods of sleep
* Significant changes in appetite, such as eating too little or too much
* Paranoid thoughts, such as the thought people are trying to harm you
* Thoughts of grandeur or invincibility
* Feelings of persistent anxiety or panic attacks
* Hearing voices
* Seeing people who are not there
* Thoughts of dying or wish to die
* Exhibiting strong or violent anger
* Having flashbacks to a prior traumatic event
* Increasing dependence on alcohol or drugs
* Inability to pursue a normal life, normal activities or normal relationships
these are all the signs of a nervous breakdown and all the symptoms of one too now for many night i have been thinking to myself why do they have me on these damn medication and taking the god forsaken pills i dont trust pills and i know aint shit wrong with me i just had a nervous breakdown and here is why......right after high school my life seemed like it was going good until i lost my job and lost my apartment i lose all my cloths everything i own and i was left with nothing i was homeless for a few days and i didnt like what the fuck what going on in my life i really didnt now i got doctors telling me something is wrong with me but no one is listening to my story no one hears my side of what the fuck is going on in my life as all yall can see my writings touch so many lives this is the only thing no one can ever take away from em they can call me liar all they want call me names say what ever the fuck they want but i am still going to be tashon jerrel tutt til the day i fucking die which by the way is no fucking time soon...i curse because thats who i am aint nobody in the world change that i been smoking weed since i was 13 i actually tried it when i was 9 and been hooked every since the only drug that i trust its all natural its regualr earth grown herb it wasnt no damn drug that made me flip out it was my situation in lifew i got fed up i mean come on now i witnesses somebody who reminded me of every one i every felt close to in my life i witnessed her death her lifeless body and i mean this lady had so much love in her heart her name was annyre cooke a old woman 89 years old would have been 90 in december i spent 3 days next to this woman i spent 3 days listening to her life story listenin to all the good and the bad in her life she is the one who made me believe in something more than myself i never was close to a stranger like that before she reminded me of my madea how she cared about every child even ones that wasnt hers she wanted the best for everybody and wanted good from everybody i mean i loved this woman i spent 3 days waking up int he morning i went right by her bedside she was a diabetic who had no legs and she couldnt walk and she couldnt see much she had bad eye sight but she knew me when i crossed her path she always called me out .....tj....tj.......you there you there ...tj....and she loved me just seeing the smile on her face was so much to me i mean i use to sit in her room and listen to her tell her life story and she made me feel like she was my mother we called her mama she she was like my mother not saying my mom is not good cause she is but everybody has there secret and the skeletons in their closet and when people secrets get close to be slipped out they erupt in ways they dont even know i mean i love my mom dont get me wrong i just dont like some of the things she does now my mother is grown and i cant make her do anything i want like sometimes the way she speaks is so harsh it makes me feel like a piece of shit she doesnt know that but it does and if i tried to tell her that she would just say im full of shit cause trust me i have heard it from her all my life i mean my mom is a great person but when it comes to raising a man she couldnt do it she just couldnt and it took the street and my father to mold me and i love the way i am today but back to mama.....i spent 3 days with her and 4 3 days i grew more and more in love with this woman she had a heart of gold and a mind of peace she just wanted to watch her christian television channel and eat her crackers drink her tea and be peaceful she never yelled at anybody she doesnt curse she was a good woman and i had to witness her death i was in the house when i heard the screams i knew what was wrong i knew she wasnt here anymore i took it so hard i could have never believed it i mean after her death i feel down into a spiral of depression and remorse for her i never lost somebody i mean sure i dont talk to alot of people but her death made it clear to me that i was not ment to go thru the world unloved and when she died lord knows i couldnt deal with it i lost my mind i roamed the streets iw ent crazy for a little bit people think i cant replay the whole situation out in my head and replay every single detail of what happened that night but i can cause my vision was on point my life was on point i was just snapping back to reality i couldnt believe she was gone i was calling out i want my mama but i realize i wasnt calling for my mom i was calling for her i was walkin up the street so filled with anger at god for taking such a beautiful woman i didnt know what to do with myself she made me feel like no matter how fucked up iw as i could always smile i mean this woman had false teeth bad eye sight no legs stuck ina bed for so long of her life and she was happy nothing bothered her she is the one i thank for gettin my mind back to where it needed to be going back to school was because of her and coming back to my moms house.....her idea when i tell you guys this woman showed me how much life can mean and how precious things are and how grateful we should be i could help but be touched i mean i have spent so much of my life hatign people for what they have done to me but that night i called my mother out on some of her bullshit and she looked at me like oh you dont have a clue on what your talkin about but im nto dumb i know my mother better then her wife knows her i grew up with this lady i know my mother cause i get myw ays from her my attitude is from my mom i mean when i was a kid i use to get the shit kicked out of me wasnt no ordinary beating this was i was scared to go home as a child i was being beat so bad i use to sit on the bus on the ride home dreading going home and it seemed like nothing i could do or nothing i could say would make the beatings stop i use to get the shit kicked out of me people believe it or not and leave it up to my mother all she is going to say si well leave it up to yall i didnt do shit as amother i was just some bitch and dis and dat and dat and dis cause she doesnt want to accept the fact the she abused us a kid and some of the things she did was not healthy then she wonders why i turned out they way i did she doesnt want it to be on her head and i can completely understand i mean i wouldnt want the mental health of my only son to be so fucked up due to continuous beatings and what at the time seemed like torture i mean i can go on for days how i was beat but im not going to cause i think you guys get the picture i was hard like i remember one time i got beat right and she was tearing my ass up and all i rememebr was her tellin me to get out the house and i ran out the side door in my boxers some socks and a tshirt and i ran down that street and made a right turn down the second street to yourr ight and landed at my homegirls house and asked to use there fone that night i spent it at my aunts house aunt val they came to my rescue but i knew it wouldnt last cause all she was going to do is come and get me the next day but i stayed there as long as i could see its shit like that that i remember that if i tried to bring it up every one has amnesia and dont remember shit and i get looked at like im crazy cause i remember all the bad shit see we have this thing in my family where shit goes down and we dont talk about well now im tired of keeping my damn mouth shut im 20 years old and i been holding this shit back so long its eattin away at me like i said earlier no matter what they do they can never take away my writings.i mean i wish there was someway i can tell my mom i remember every single beating she had every given me and every curse word she has said to me and every mean thing she has every said to me from telling me she wish she never had me to she dont know why im here to i cant live with her to she hates me all type of shit but as a man A FUCKING MAN i swallowed my pride and took it and thats all i can do is take it i mean i cant fight my mother i cant put my hands on my mother i mean i can but i wont see what people fail to realize is you have choices and sometimes the choices you make effects others in your life like i use to think nobody loved me when i was a kid so i loved everybody i came in to contact with my mom is a lesbian which i found out long before she told me sicne i was nosey i found out alot of shit i wasnt suppose to know but i love woman because of my mom now leave it up to her she will just say im full of shit ima fucking liar im this im that and it heard it all before so i am use to it i expect it rather for my mom to say good things is rare she doesnt know i really do care about her well being and shit its just when she gets evil its hard for me to see past the evil shit sicne thats all i remember from my child hood i dont every remember my om taking us to the zoo or out to a park to just play or just take us out to be a family togethr because her thing is money money money yuo dont need money to be happy which i way i chose to live my life carefree but i use to get in trouble for being so no chalant its not that its just that i have enough stress in my life i dont worry about money that much i know its important but if your doing what you have to do then you will be alright right?....well not always but you make your life whatever it is you can make it easy or you can make it hard i choose to make my life carefree and stress free so as far as is ee it my life is easy its s depression people do you really think im get a job tomorrow hell no do you think i have a better chance if my black ass would have went to school the first year you damn right....life kicked my ass and made me realize i needed to get my shit straight no some people say its god this is what i say i always believed ina higher being i use to study Buddhism which i really like that religion cause it teachs you to be happy with just yourself and i love there teachings i just decided to give my higher being the name of my god im not christian or baptisit none of that i just believe in my god and my god is making sure i dont do nothing stupid to fuck up m life say what you want i always had that i dont give a fuck attitude like my mom would say about shit so what make you think ima care what anybody says about my beliefs? you damn right i wont and the way i act and the shit i do do i feel like some things were wrong yes was i the perfect child by far hell no i mean i was kid and should have been understood and treated as one i never thought i would have to go thru what i went thru i mean it was so bad i thought i wouldnt make it past 16 so for me to be even 20 is a good thing for me you know i mean i dont like to worry so i never do i dont like stress so i dont bring it upon myself but for one night i mean one night in my life i had everybodies attention and their first thought of me is oooo shit he is crazy dammit im not crazy just misunderstood lol its funny cause i laugh alot and smile alot and am i wrong......should i be down trotted and have my head hung low just cause sumbody called me a mean name or tried to hurt myf eelins hell no if i dont let my own mothers word get to me what makes you think anybody else harsh statments is going to move me i learned from a beautiful woman to take like wiht a grain of salt and live like there is no tomorrow do what you want and be happy this woman annrye was a beautiful soul and i love her with all my heart and it pains me to know she will not be around to see me graduate but i have my mother and after all the years os bullshit i have forgiven her i just wont ever forget namean its easy to forgive its another thing to forget which i will never do i smoked made weed and they say weed is suppose to make you stupid but im one of the smartest mufuccas i know now i forget ill admit that but who doesnt so i mean did i stop smoking yes am i glad i mean i wasn addicted so its not like its killin me cause im not smoking so like i said you make choices in your life and you do thing by impulse or by your heart and brain i live by my heart and i go with my feelings ima an emotional mufucca sorry i dont regret being emotional im very passionate ima caring im lovin i am all these things in one person and i am not confused and i dont need no damn doctor trying to shrink me cause i know what the fuck my problem is i just need somebody to talk to so the next time i go see doctor martin and we get the talkin ima go in there alone cause for some stranger reason i cant say these things in front of my mom cause to her im spreadin lies but i know its only because how my mother was raised is they reason she treats me the way she does its that slave mentality there is a book about it i never read it but i know theres a book i saw it in antwon fisher from what he said lol its a good book but i believe it even though i never read the book cause it makes sense to me the way you were rasied will affect how you raise your kids i mean soemthing just make sense ima simple dude i dont look to deep into things really i mean i never have so why start now lol well look this is gettin to be verylong so ima cut it short by saying this is why i am the way i am the loving the cursing the scream the caring the tears the joy the smiles and laughs this is why and if you dont like it oh fucking well what you going to do try to change me?.....lol GOOD LUCK
Lecture for the day
as we sit on the porch a blunt in hand
i speak stories and her tales from this old man
we pass the time on how he has grown
from a young man running the street to the old man i see now at his home
he tells me "son there comes a time when every man must grown"
i take a deep hit of the haze and let the purple smoke flow
i tell him i am grown and i know ima man
he tells me "in due time you will understand"
as i pass the blunt back to him he looks out into the light
his eyes filled with wonder of the next days plight
see i know he has been through alot but whos to say i havent to
i ask him does it make you a man by what you do?
he takes a deep hit inhales and breaths deeply
opens his mouth to say "Son you life is never going to be easy but what you do and who you are make you the man you know only you can be"...."for no one can take you heart and you promise to the world as you can see"
i say" this is my life and i know how i want to lead it but sometimes it get so hard i just feel defeated"...."i wanna give up and just crawl into a corner and cry"
he hits the blunt and looks me dead in my eye....."Boy dont you ever in your life shed no tears that dont need to shed cause life is already hard just dont let it go to your head"....."Your a strong man grown up from a young seed in deed but dont let me tell you what life to lead"...i have seen shit and been places some people will never see in they life i have had things and done thins that would make people envy my life....i cant speak for everyone but i can speak for me i am a man til the day i day and this i know you also can be so dont feel hurt when shit starts getting to hard dont feel defeated just cause your against the odds your life is all you have and you will make it what it will be so here take this blunt and just breath easy"
i speak stories and her tales from this old man
we pass the time on how he has grown
from a young man running the street to the old man i see now at his home
he tells me "son there comes a time when every man must grown"
i take a deep hit of the haze and let the purple smoke flow
i tell him i am grown and i know ima man
he tells me "in due time you will understand"
as i pass the blunt back to him he looks out into the light
his eyes filled with wonder of the next days plight
see i know he has been through alot but whos to say i havent to
i ask him does it make you a man by what you do?
he takes a deep hit inhales and breaths deeply
opens his mouth to say "Son you life is never going to be easy but what you do and who you are make you the man you know only you can be"...."for no one can take you heart and you promise to the world as you can see"
i say" this is my life and i know how i want to lead it but sometimes it get so hard i just feel defeated"...."i wanna give up and just crawl into a corner and cry"
he hits the blunt and looks me dead in my eye....."Boy dont you ever in your life shed no tears that dont need to shed cause life is already hard just dont let it go to your head"....."Your a strong man grown up from a young seed in deed but dont let me tell you what life to lead"...i have seen shit and been places some people will never see in they life i have had things and done thins that would make people envy my life....i cant speak for everyone but i can speak for me i am a man til the day i day and this i know you also can be so dont feel hurt when shit starts getting to hard dont feel defeated just cause your against the odds your life is all you have and you will make it what it will be so here take this blunt and just breath easy"
New Generation of Poets
it started with one thing and i dont know why
it never even mattered how hard i tried
im keeping this in mind as i was design for the worst time
songs like a song from most and when your hear it you spirit boast
i made it through that so i know hat he talking about
but what if you was left with no one
with no house
no friends
no family
lost in your own world
and its all your fault
could you live with the decisions youve made over time
does it mean you a bad person even thought you never committed a crime
your love is failing and you heart cant go on
your souls is yearning for someone to come and take this pain away but you stuck
no where to go and it doesnt make sense
you thought everything was alright and you was under control
you have pushed as far as you can go
and after all this there is nothing
left cold as the snow
so where do you go
up? down? do you hold yourself in yur arms and sway from side to side
do you turn the music up in you head and bang your head back and forth
like a wrecking ball yu crashed
and like a phoenix you shall rise
this is not the time of your demise
no one can tell you where you future lies
while others sit back and try to rhyme
you sit back relax and think about old times
you never lose pa cause it was all in your mind
so dont think me telling you this is a waste of time
i only wish we could trade places so you can see through my eyes
see way i saw and feel how i feel
your talent is unmatched and you are the raw deal
something they never heard and something they should fear
the hottest poet coming out the wood works right into their ear
so dont hold back dont be ashamed speak from the heart
that will be your claim to fame
no one can tell you nothing
no one can take it away
your the truth
a prophet of the slums
you can spewing fire from the burning of your tongue
with words like Ginsu blades
you have the edge
let them know your here to stay and you shall go no where
for you word they shall fear
you truth shall shake their bones and
make them dread the words they speak about you
nothing will stop this from coming true
only you
so do as i say and be the poet i know you can be
i wish you the best and i will watch what becomes of thee
my son
my daughter
my breden
my sistren
you are all elightened by the truth and you love the freedom
so go and show them why we are the choosen people
why poets will rule the world and show that love is always there
put your soft music in there ear
it started as a sad thing but now ends in glory
cause being a poet is a life story
whether you write because you love the way the word flow together or you speak to hear yourself sound better
maybe you write because you heart is heavy and you need a release
or you speak the truth when your out in the streets
maybe you wish there was thing you can change
or someones life you should have not taking in vain
for those who have no clue why they do what they do
this is my way of saying i feel you
i understand where you coming from
just speak loud and let your lips be the gun
you tounge the bullet
now load up and pull through it
pump them haters full of lead spewed from the barrel from the ones they dread
make the fearful scared to speak words about you for they do not know what you can do
with one line you can ruin a life and make a soul crush
or build up an army of folllowers who believe you are strong enough
strong enough to rule the world with your words
and move mountain with your punchlines and verbs
dont be afraid to shed light to the dark and guide the unguided
this is gift and to some it may be surprising
so as i wrap this up i say do your best
cause our word will always be remember more than our flesh
it never even mattered how hard i tried
im keeping this in mind as i was design for the worst time
songs like a song from most and when your hear it you spirit boast
i made it through that so i know hat he talking about
but what if you was left with no one
with no house
no friends
no family
lost in your own world
and its all your fault
could you live with the decisions youve made over time
does it mean you a bad person even thought you never committed a crime
your love is failing and you heart cant go on
your souls is yearning for someone to come and take this pain away but you stuck
no where to go and it doesnt make sense
you thought everything was alright and you was under control
you have pushed as far as you can go
and after all this there is nothing
left cold as the snow
so where do you go
up? down? do you hold yourself in yur arms and sway from side to side
do you turn the music up in you head and bang your head back and forth
like a wrecking ball yu crashed
and like a phoenix you shall rise
this is not the time of your demise
no one can tell you where you future lies
while others sit back and try to rhyme
you sit back relax and think about old times
you never lose pa cause it was all in your mind
so dont think me telling you this is a waste of time
i only wish we could trade places so you can see through my eyes
see way i saw and feel how i feel
your talent is unmatched and you are the raw deal
something they never heard and something they should fear
the hottest poet coming out the wood works right into their ear
so dont hold back dont be ashamed speak from the heart
that will be your claim to fame
no one can tell you nothing
no one can take it away
your the truth
a prophet of the slums
you can spewing fire from the burning of your tongue
with words like Ginsu blades
you have the edge
let them know your here to stay and you shall go no where
for you word they shall fear
you truth shall shake their bones and
make them dread the words they speak about you
nothing will stop this from coming true
only you
so do as i say and be the poet i know you can be
i wish you the best and i will watch what becomes of thee
my son
my daughter
my breden
my sistren
you are all elightened by the truth and you love the freedom
so go and show them why we are the choosen people
why poets will rule the world and show that love is always there
put your soft music in there ear
it started as a sad thing but now ends in glory
cause being a poet is a life story
whether you write because you love the way the word flow together or you speak to hear yourself sound better
maybe you write because you heart is heavy and you need a release
or you speak the truth when your out in the streets
maybe you wish there was thing you can change
or someones life you should have not taking in vain
for those who have no clue why they do what they do
this is my way of saying i feel you
i understand where you coming from
just speak loud and let your lips be the gun
you tounge the bullet
now load up and pull through it
pump them haters full of lead spewed from the barrel from the ones they dread
make the fearful scared to speak words about you for they do not know what you can do
with one line you can ruin a life and make a soul crush
or build up an army of folllowers who believe you are strong enough
strong enough to rule the world with your words
and move mountain with your punchlines and verbs
dont be afraid to shed light to the dark and guide the unguided
this is gift and to some it may be surprising
so as i wrap this up i say do your best
cause our word will always be remember more than our flesh
Halo of Fire
her flames dances in my eyes like the burning of a single candle
as she twirl her hips she manipulates my fire and tames my flame
her hips sway with the blow of the glow and she forces fire to rumble
her frame is smoldering swift lines of steam expose her silhouette
as she closes her eyes and lifts her hands towards the sky
my heart begins to burn bright like amber's of burning coal
its marvelous how her body flows with the waves of heat
distorted from the flames her shape gives of the appearance of a dancing flame
my soul turns to brim stone as she looks me dead in my eye
with hair flowing like lava down her smooth back
she blows me a kiss the scorches my flesh
i embrace the fierceness of her love with open arms
she winds herself up and down flowing with the waves of soft flames surrounding her body
she dances in the heart of a volcano only proving how divine she truly is
my heart melts
breathless
as she twirl her hips she manipulates my fire and tames my flame
her hips sway with the blow of the glow and she forces fire to rumble
her frame is smoldering swift lines of steam expose her silhouette
as she closes her eyes and lifts her hands towards the sky
my heart begins to burn bright like amber's of burning coal
its marvelous how her body flows with the waves of heat
distorted from the flames her shape gives of the appearance of a dancing flame
my soul turns to brim stone as she looks me dead in my eye
with hair flowing like lava down her smooth back
she blows me a kiss the scorches my flesh
i embrace the fierceness of her love with open arms
she winds herself up and down flowing with the waves of soft flames surrounding her body
she dances in the heart of a volcano only proving how divine she truly is
my heart melts
breathless
Broken
as i sit near the window
the moonlight pears throught the blinds
the shine catches the clipse of my face and highlights the tracks of my tears
i have been crying over the lost of you wishing i could have you back
as i sip my Hennessey and pull a drag out the green
i try to drown away my sorrow with the finer things in life
my heart resembles a shattered window crashed in by the force of a thunderous blow
my body is weak and my mind seems to float from thought to thought
i cant seem to focus
i open the window to breath in the cool night air
i take a deep breath refreshing my lung through all the haze smoke and warm liquor
i dont know which way is up i have fallen so far
the scene replays in my head
i recall you standing in the middle of the living room your eyes filled to the brim with tears
your voice is shriek and all i can hear is screams and cursing
"How could you"..........."How dare you".......
words choked up by tears
"You cheated".....is all you can make out
as i stand there wish a look of shock
a million things running through my mind
"How did she find out"....."Where is this coming from"
im so taken aback by the screams and shouts i quickly lose focus
i can stop crying
why did i have to take that risk
i should have said no
she wasnt even that pretty
so many things are racing through my mind
i sip my drink
the liquor warms my cold bones and revives my spirit
i am so broken
there is no real way to express my true hurt
and to beg for forgiveness is useless
whats done is done
and no words can be said to take back the hurt and heal the pain
i am broken
the moonlight pears throught the blinds
the shine catches the clipse of my face and highlights the tracks of my tears
i have been crying over the lost of you wishing i could have you back
as i sip my Hennessey and pull a drag out the green
i try to drown away my sorrow with the finer things in life
my heart resembles a shattered window crashed in by the force of a thunderous blow
my body is weak and my mind seems to float from thought to thought
i cant seem to focus
i open the window to breath in the cool night air
i take a deep breath refreshing my lung through all the haze smoke and warm liquor
i dont know which way is up i have fallen so far
the scene replays in my head
i recall you standing in the middle of the living room your eyes filled to the brim with tears
your voice is shriek and all i can hear is screams and cursing
"How could you"..........."How dare you".......
words choked up by tears
"You cheated".....is all you can make out
as i stand there wish a look of shock
a million things running through my mind
"How did she find out"....."Where is this coming from"
im so taken aback by the screams and shouts i quickly lose focus
i can stop crying
why did i have to take that risk
i should have said no
she wasnt even that pretty
so many things are racing through my mind
i sip my drink
the liquor warms my cold bones and revives my spirit
i am so broken
there is no real way to express my true hurt
and to beg for forgiveness is useless
whats done is done
and no words can be said to take back the hurt and heal the pain
i am broken
My Apologies
as i sit with this pen and pad i think back to all the good times we had
before the scream i swear i didnt mean to yell
i just got frustrated and mad as hell
we didnt have to argue we could have sat down and worked it out
but your emotion got the best of you and you couldnt work them out
so i was forced to raise my voice try to provoke some type of feeling
but i got what i didnt want and now your leavin
i miss your touch and how you use to make me feel
i need that back in my life i need that raw deal
we have fallen far from grace but how do we get back up
so i suck up my tears and what what i think should be what
i yern for the day our lips will touch and our souls collide
you are my burning star and i your night sky
beauty is your name and you cant not be denied
for if you leave my soul shall die
why have we come to this point
no one can answer my question
since the day you walked in
everyday has been a blessing
i want to build with you
a family a house and a dream
you are my all star player on my one man team
i sit and i think i think and i dream
i wait for the day that you will return to me
i woke up this morning with a heart filled with pain
i sit on the edge of my world with nothing to lose or gain
my body is sick and my heart grows tired
and i know soon my love for you will expire
i cant think to hard or i will hurt myself
afraid of feeling the pain that you felt
my words dont speak for my actions
and my actions wont count
i only wish for your heart your mind body and soul
and in return i will give you the world dipped in gold
my love my woman my friend my ace
nothing in ths world can ever take your place
i could have tried harder
i could have done better
nothing in this world will hurt more than writing this letter
i hope this leave my heart feeling light as a feather
these word i heart felt and true to there meaning
my heart is shaking in the corner broken and feening
feening for your love to be hug and to be kissed
trust me your love has been missed
as i sit here and my tears soak the page
i think about how i hurt you and i become enraged
filled with hate for myself
how could i hurt such a woman
all the love and the good times have been tooken
taken away stored in a little boxed
tossed to the bottom of the sea lose in their own paradox
my soul is empty and i cant feel my heart beat
but as i write more and more my heart becomes weak and i cant hold the pen
i go back to when we first kiss and hold you told me you would always be my friend
our relationship plays thru my mind several times
and one the last one i closed my eyes and i die
the pain was to much to bear my feelings for you are that strong
i didnt mean to hurt you but now i have no way of hurtin any one else i love
i have been put to rest and this letter will never reach you
and if i does i hope you find something in it that will teach you
teach that i never ment for bad things to happen nor did i wish for them
but they happend so fast i wasnt prepared for them
you soul took me places to lands untold and and found sights unseen
now i die in peace know my love was keen
before the scream i swear i didnt mean to yell
i just got frustrated and mad as hell
we didnt have to argue we could have sat down and worked it out
but your emotion got the best of you and you couldnt work them out
so i was forced to raise my voice try to provoke some type of feeling
but i got what i didnt want and now your leavin
i miss your touch and how you use to make me feel
i need that back in my life i need that raw deal
we have fallen far from grace but how do we get back up
so i suck up my tears and what what i think should be what
i yern for the day our lips will touch and our souls collide
you are my burning star and i your night sky
beauty is your name and you cant not be denied
for if you leave my soul shall die
why have we come to this point
no one can answer my question
since the day you walked in
everyday has been a blessing
i want to build with you
a family a house and a dream
you are my all star player on my one man team
i sit and i think i think and i dream
i wait for the day that you will return to me
i woke up this morning with a heart filled with pain
i sit on the edge of my world with nothing to lose or gain
my body is sick and my heart grows tired
and i know soon my love for you will expire
i cant think to hard or i will hurt myself
afraid of feeling the pain that you felt
my words dont speak for my actions
and my actions wont count
i only wish for your heart your mind body and soul
and in return i will give you the world dipped in gold
my love my woman my friend my ace
nothing in ths world can ever take your place
i could have tried harder
i could have done better
nothing in this world will hurt more than writing this letter
i hope this leave my heart feeling light as a feather
these word i heart felt and true to there meaning
my heart is shaking in the corner broken and feening
feening for your love to be hug and to be kissed
trust me your love has been missed
as i sit here and my tears soak the page
i think about how i hurt you and i become enraged
filled with hate for myself
how could i hurt such a woman
all the love and the good times have been tooken
taken away stored in a little boxed
tossed to the bottom of the sea lose in their own paradox
my soul is empty and i cant feel my heart beat
but as i write more and more my heart becomes weak and i cant hold the pen
i go back to when we first kiss and hold you told me you would always be my friend
our relationship plays thru my mind several times
and one the last one i closed my eyes and i die
the pain was to much to bear my feelings for you are that strong
i didnt mean to hurt you but now i have no way of hurtin any one else i love
i have been put to rest and this letter will never reach you
and if i does i hope you find something in it that will teach you
teach that i never ment for bad things to happen nor did i wish for them
but they happend so fast i wasnt prepared for them
you soul took me places to lands untold and and found sights unseen
now i die in peace know my love was keen
Gone
what do you do when the love has gone with nothing make sense and everything seems wrong
when your love bird doesnt sing its sweet sweet song
when your soul is lost on a ocean of love with no north star to guide the way
or when you soul burns with no water insight
when the sand of time are at stand still
are you sure you love can stand still?
when the wings of life have opened up and you are falling
will it be the one you love you will be calling?
the stress of time and space can kill a mans mind
but the lost of a loved one kills more everytime
when the window of exstacy been shut where do you go for lust
when you pleasure palace corrodes and turns to dust
when you jungle of love have been cut down and left bare
where there be any wild love left there?
it pains me to say i am not usre for my mind can only indure the same pleasures and pain it explores
meaning anything i give i should be able to take
but this time i think there is to much on my plate
i can focus nor can i see right
the light of has blinded my sight
i am shaken up and placed in a position i know all to well
a position placed for me to do nothing else than fail
but i can cause the feelins are to strong
i must swallow my pride and press on
when the lights turn low and your left in the dark
who will be there to put a light to your heart
when you soul is broken like shattered glass who will be there to clean up the past
is it time to move on should i give up and go
or do i stay love a little harder and just go with the flow
do i fight back or do i retreat
these are thing of which i can not speak
for i my self do not know which way is up i am lost in the sea of sorrow and paddeling my way back to shore
but for one thing i am sure
my heart will go on and i will soon be whole again
but that will be the day you come back to me my friend
when your love bird doesnt sing its sweet sweet song
when your soul is lost on a ocean of love with no north star to guide the way
or when you soul burns with no water insight
when the sand of time are at stand still
are you sure you love can stand still?
when the wings of life have opened up and you are falling
will it be the one you love you will be calling?
the stress of time and space can kill a mans mind
but the lost of a loved one kills more everytime
when the window of exstacy been shut where do you go for lust
when you pleasure palace corrodes and turns to dust
when you jungle of love have been cut down and left bare
where there be any wild love left there?
it pains me to say i am not usre for my mind can only indure the same pleasures and pain it explores
meaning anything i give i should be able to take
but this time i think there is to much on my plate
i can focus nor can i see right
the light of has blinded my sight
i am shaken up and placed in a position i know all to well
a position placed for me to do nothing else than fail
but i can cause the feelins are to strong
i must swallow my pride and press on
when the lights turn low and your left in the dark
who will be there to put a light to your heart
when you soul is broken like shattered glass who will be there to clean up the past
is it time to move on should i give up and go
or do i stay love a little harder and just go with the flow
do i fight back or do i retreat
these are thing of which i can not speak
for i my self do not know which way is up i am lost in the sea of sorrow and paddeling my way back to shore
but for one thing i am sure
my heart will go on and i will soon be whole again
but that will be the day you come back to me my friend
Acceptance
something we all have strived for
one thing most people would die for
the ability to fit in and join something bigger than ones self
when what we really doing is selling our souls right off the shelf
we are so ready to be apart of anything we forget about the bigger picture
we give up our rights as an individual just so we can blend in witcha
see its easy for me to sit back and say this cuz i neva been the one to blend in
i stand out like a bum wit his thumb out and make my own trend
not one for the bright colors and the skinny jeans
when your about as popular as a pimpled preteen
not much to say for yourself when you look like everybody else
so what is you mix and match
you still come out looking like that
a damn clown caught in a paintball fight
but the more i see it the harder i fight
fight for my individuality
my freedom to be me
i mean sure its cool you and all your girls dressin like fools
parading around campus swearin yall shit is cool
when the next thing you know somebody point you out like look at dis fool
you snap react and say something smart back
but do you take time to think about the shit you put on your back?
we join in groups known for being hard so we can look the part
but when shit break out you ghost like the light in the dark
no where to be found but you wanna play hard now
such a clown
you should walk around wit your head down
we roll in bunches and take over tables at lunches
our crew
my fam
me and my dudes
all terms for the clicks we form
just to belong
no one wants to be alone and who wants to be alone?
sure nuff not me and him or she
but we dont have to sell our souls to put ourselves higher on that throne
you know that pedestal
where all the pretty girls and guys are
or the one that at 16 had a car
where becuz your in the club everynight makes you sumtype of star
but when you leave the club you know who you are
just like everybody else
but thats not what we tell ourselves
no way say we living the fab life and shit is gravy
but baby please believe the fab life will drive you crazy
we pop bottles and throw money
just to show we have it
yet when its gone you lookin like what happened?
typical story for all the fab boys and fab girls in the high or their glory
they fall soon and hard and crash like a 9/11 reenactment
when your alone you always wonder what happened..
its hard to say what one will do to belong
what length they will go to just to prove em wrong
you are a individual you are unique
yet you sound like the rest of your homeboys when you speak
smh....
i refuse to fold and become what the idiot box tells me too
so i would be just another fool if i followed you
if i didnt use my word to convey how i feel
but dressed like a 09 clown with all that mass appeal
i stick to my white tee jeans and tims
you keep the flash shit and save that for them
i have no interest
my heart is content
i dont have the need to belong
my uniqueness is heaven sent
so dont look at me as im wicked evil or wrong
just accept this as warning and move on
soon your trend will die
your fade will fade
and what will be left is a bunch of mindless groupies all drinking the kool-aid
sip sip and drink it down well cuz if this is how you want to be remember
well like i said you blend in so aint much to remember that well
one thing most people would die for
the ability to fit in and join something bigger than ones self
when what we really doing is selling our souls right off the shelf
we are so ready to be apart of anything we forget about the bigger picture
we give up our rights as an individual just so we can blend in witcha
see its easy for me to sit back and say this cuz i neva been the one to blend in
i stand out like a bum wit his thumb out and make my own trend
not one for the bright colors and the skinny jeans
when your about as popular as a pimpled preteen
not much to say for yourself when you look like everybody else
so what is you mix and match
you still come out looking like that
a damn clown caught in a paintball fight
but the more i see it the harder i fight
fight for my individuality
my freedom to be me
i mean sure its cool you and all your girls dressin like fools
parading around campus swearin yall shit is cool
when the next thing you know somebody point you out like look at dis fool
you snap react and say something smart back
but do you take time to think about the shit you put on your back?
we join in groups known for being hard so we can look the part
but when shit break out you ghost like the light in the dark
no where to be found but you wanna play hard now
such a clown
you should walk around wit your head down
we roll in bunches and take over tables at lunches
our crew
my fam
me and my dudes
all terms for the clicks we form
just to belong
no one wants to be alone and who wants to be alone?
sure nuff not me and him or she
but we dont have to sell our souls to put ourselves higher on that throne
you know that pedestal
where all the pretty girls and guys are
or the one that at 16 had a car
where becuz your in the club everynight makes you sumtype of star
but when you leave the club you know who you are
just like everybody else
but thats not what we tell ourselves
no way say we living the fab life and shit is gravy
but baby please believe the fab life will drive you crazy
we pop bottles and throw money
just to show we have it
yet when its gone you lookin like what happened?
typical story for all the fab boys and fab girls in the high or their glory
they fall soon and hard and crash like a 9/11 reenactment
when your alone you always wonder what happened..
its hard to say what one will do to belong
what length they will go to just to prove em wrong
you are a individual you are unique
yet you sound like the rest of your homeboys when you speak
smh....
i refuse to fold and become what the idiot box tells me too
so i would be just another fool if i followed you
if i didnt use my word to convey how i feel
but dressed like a 09 clown with all that mass appeal
i stick to my white tee jeans and tims
you keep the flash shit and save that for them
i have no interest
my heart is content
i dont have the need to belong
my uniqueness is heaven sent
so dont look at me as im wicked evil or wrong
just accept this as warning and move on
soon your trend will die
your fade will fade
and what will be left is a bunch of mindless groupies all drinking the kool-aid
sip sip and drink it down well cuz if this is how you want to be remember
well like i said you blend in so aint much to remember that well
Release
listen i got few things going inside mind
but i cant help but sit back and look at the time
beginning to end
can help that i did it again
fail to realize real lie that these niggas tell
fail to secure my spot in heaven so im bound for hell
feeling like a wingless angle who slipped and fell
the barrel of the gun is my mouf and my tung is the bullet
the trigger happy nigga in my brain is so ready to pull it
let the world hear my roar
leaving somebody wit a open soar
cant escape the streets like a broken whore
but i be damned yall nigga wait to see what i got in store
right off the top shelf preserved with the word
my life story in bottle not success but the next best thing to smoking herb
put dis in your system let it marinate
wish i wasnt from the hood where niggas is to grimey to congratulate
my life is like a hot dog compared to steak
but what the stakes
raise the bar and see if the boy can hang
its just to much word play for one mans mind to maintain
so i share my venom my blood sweat tears and the pain
try to think of the moments when i was happy again
i mean way back when when the grass was greener
when streets was my parent and teacher
outside playing like the day would neva end
dreadin goin back in the house to to nothing but yellin
i can help but wish things would have neva gotten so bad
but i was a boy in a single mother house hold growin up wit no dad
i couldnt do shit trying to be a grown little man
knocked down at every turn determined to be a man
in a house with 4 girls you the only man der
or so you would think but the see thru glass aint always dat clear
i had to be weak for them to make them feel like they was superior
while i played the minor role supported the inferior
i hated it wish things would change
but wasnt nothing i could do except try and maintain
so im still holdin on to the days when the grass was greener and the sun shone bright
to the days i would wake up with no fear in sight
to the night i would sleep resting my head easy
wishin for the day that somebody would believe me
so i say fuck it grab the pen and the pad and i get to work
rhyming word for fun just to see if it would work
puttin my soul on the sheet and sharing my heart with the world
making sure i reach out to every little boy or girl
any one who every had a problem and wasnt strong enough to face it
to the one who think the strong than a mutant
to the people who fear death more then they fear their next step
to the ones who love life and cherish every last breath
to the scared the weak and the cold hearted
for the young the smart even the mildly retarted
for the jokes for the laugh for the joy and the pain
for the love for the dream for the sun and the rain
i can flow like a poet and rap with the best
but when its time will u play liek the one with the S on your chest
to scared to show the world who you really are
or not giving a fuck screamin off the top of a moving car
shit i embrace it all i am the new generation of i dont give a fuck
and if you feelin like u lucky i swear you should try your luck
its easy to underestimate second guess and criticize
til you lace up them shoes and take a walk by my side
so hold tight i got more to come
cuz my tung is the bullet blazin out the barrel of this gun
but i cant help but sit back and look at the time
beginning to end
can help that i did it again
fail to realize real lie that these niggas tell
fail to secure my spot in heaven so im bound for hell
feeling like a wingless angle who slipped and fell
the barrel of the gun is my mouf and my tung is the bullet
the trigger happy nigga in my brain is so ready to pull it
let the world hear my roar
leaving somebody wit a open soar
cant escape the streets like a broken whore
but i be damned yall nigga wait to see what i got in store
right off the top shelf preserved with the word
my life story in bottle not success but the next best thing to smoking herb
put dis in your system let it marinate
wish i wasnt from the hood where niggas is to grimey to congratulate
my life is like a hot dog compared to steak
but what the stakes
raise the bar and see if the boy can hang
its just to much word play for one mans mind to maintain
so i share my venom my blood sweat tears and the pain
try to think of the moments when i was happy again
i mean way back when when the grass was greener
when streets was my parent and teacher
outside playing like the day would neva end
dreadin goin back in the house to to nothing but yellin
i can help but wish things would have neva gotten so bad
but i was a boy in a single mother house hold growin up wit no dad
i couldnt do shit trying to be a grown little man
knocked down at every turn determined to be a man
in a house with 4 girls you the only man der
or so you would think but the see thru glass aint always dat clear
i had to be weak for them to make them feel like they was superior
while i played the minor role supported the inferior
i hated it wish things would change
but wasnt nothing i could do except try and maintain
so im still holdin on to the days when the grass was greener and the sun shone bright
to the days i would wake up with no fear in sight
to the night i would sleep resting my head easy
wishin for the day that somebody would believe me
so i say fuck it grab the pen and the pad and i get to work
rhyming word for fun just to see if it would work
puttin my soul on the sheet and sharing my heart with the world
making sure i reach out to every little boy or girl
any one who every had a problem and wasnt strong enough to face it
to the one who think the strong than a mutant
to the people who fear death more then they fear their next step
to the ones who love life and cherish every last breath
to the scared the weak and the cold hearted
for the young the smart even the mildly retarted
for the jokes for the laugh for the joy and the pain
for the love for the dream for the sun and the rain
i can flow like a poet and rap with the best
but when its time will u play liek the one with the S on your chest
to scared to show the world who you really are
or not giving a fuck screamin off the top of a moving car
shit i embrace it all i am the new generation of i dont give a fuck
and if you feelin like u lucky i swear you should try your luck
its easy to underestimate second guess and criticize
til you lace up them shoes and take a walk by my side
so hold tight i got more to come
cuz my tung is the bullet blazin out the barrel of this gun
fuqq what u heard
alright alright......damn idk where do i start lol yall know like i know i can go on for days about a given topic but lately i got some serious issues fuccin wit my mental.as of dis very moment i am watchin real house wives watchin my future ex baby mama lisa do her good girl bad girl thing and i must say she is the only reason why i even bother watchin dis show well dat and nene crazy ass
iight for starter im stucc in this awkward position namean i doubt most of yall know but after high school unlike the rest of my comrades i decided to work and boi did that not work out like i thought it would my roommate flaked on me i lost everything i owned andyour boi was homeless for a couple days......not a good feeling namean so i been trying to build myself up from that lose and trying to get back into school and i am damn near killing myself with this.going to college is something i never gave much thought i grew up in a family where most of them didnt even get a chance to graduate high school so the push for college was never there i didnt have anybody really fueling me up for it namean so it hard trying to wrap my head around picturing my stubborn ass in a college atmosphere but trust and believe ima get der
now after all these years of some real fucced up shit going on in my life i finally had a melt down....me....da nigga that was so level headed and cool breeze about shit i had a nervous breakdown in the middle of the night and when i tell you that was one of the scariest thing ever in my life i didnt know left from right right from wrong i couldnt think straight and my family not knowing what was going on commited me to a fuckin nut house...yea a damn nut house i spent a week in dat mug round some real crazy mufucca and it just made me realize aint shit wrong wit me but mean while im taking dez damn pills and all types of therapy.....shit crazy i didnt tell alot of people namean i aint want nobody to look at me all funny style namean like oh yea i knew you was crazy na it aint nothing like dat....just gettin beat like a slave for most of your life and being told you were never suppose to be born time after time yea dta shit will get to you sooner or later and in my case it took damn near 20 year of hearing the same shit to finally make me snap....so i been dealing with this for about a few months it all happen in may namean so its recent and i been trying to get over this shit but like i said yo...its far from easy
now on a good note i found that special someone in mylife...well not really found she been there for year most yall dont know her but she is the fire to my flame namean i love this woman wit all my heart we doen been thru some situations that was cause any other young couple to split just like that but idk what it is i cant leave her alone....i mean you would think as gorgeous as she is i would never cheat right...wrong i did and i feel like a straight dog for doing her dirty like dat but she didnt do me no better she had a baby....while we was together now i know this may seem like some what the fucc type shit and any man would leave but im not every man namean that gorgeous little girl in my profile...yea dats my heart amirra lashawn jones....her middle name came from my name....crazy huh?.....well yea i been planning my future wit her for years and as of november 23 it will be 7 years of loving laughin crying and pain and i wouldnt change anything if i could.and although we havent been able to spend much time with each other i still wait for that day i can kiss her hold her and tell her how much she means to me and that day will come soon.....very soon
now im stucc in between a rocc and a hard place....as most may know me and my moms arent the perfect mother son couple ya dig to be honest i treat her like she is just another human being sad but true i have no choice the love that should be there was never formed so idk exactly how to love her and with that its hard for me to even be in this house like i been givin it some thought if i should move to NC wit my pops after i get out of job corps and just try and get on my feet out there or continue to put up with the bs i get here in this house.idk what to do im all types of confused i wish there was a way i can just get 5 stacks and start my life namean but i know like we all know that shit aint bout to happen tomorrow i gotta start somewhere....so im lookin at NC like a fresh start and my girl is behind me along wit a few people that know my situation and i just think it may be a good move...what you think?
damn i can really go on for days about all my problems and how fucced up shit is and how i wish it was better but im not bout to do that i just need to geta few things off my chest before my heart explode namean. well im tune into this roast on comedy central and try to squeeze out a few laughs for the night and pray for the best
iight for starter im stucc in this awkward position namean i doubt most of yall know but after high school unlike the rest of my comrades i decided to work and boi did that not work out like i thought it would my roommate flaked on me i lost everything i owned andyour boi was homeless for a couple days......not a good feeling namean so i been trying to build myself up from that lose and trying to get back into school and i am damn near killing myself with this.going to college is something i never gave much thought i grew up in a family where most of them didnt even get a chance to graduate high school so the push for college was never there i didnt have anybody really fueling me up for it namean so it hard trying to wrap my head around picturing my stubborn ass in a college atmosphere but trust and believe ima get der
now after all these years of some real fucced up shit going on in my life i finally had a melt down....me....da nigga that was so level headed and cool breeze about shit i had a nervous breakdown in the middle of the night and when i tell you that was one of the scariest thing ever in my life i didnt know left from right right from wrong i couldnt think straight and my family not knowing what was going on commited me to a fuckin nut house...yea a damn nut house i spent a week in dat mug round some real crazy mufucca and it just made me realize aint shit wrong wit me but mean while im taking dez damn pills and all types of therapy.....shit crazy i didnt tell alot of people namean i aint want nobody to look at me all funny style namean like oh yea i knew you was crazy na it aint nothing like dat....just gettin beat like a slave for most of your life and being told you were never suppose to be born time after time yea dta shit will get to you sooner or later and in my case it took damn near 20 year of hearing the same shit to finally make me snap....so i been dealing with this for about a few months it all happen in may namean so its recent and i been trying to get over this shit but like i said yo...its far from easy
now on a good note i found that special someone in mylife...well not really found she been there for year most yall dont know her but she is the fire to my flame namean i love this woman wit all my heart we doen been thru some situations that was cause any other young couple to split just like that but idk what it is i cant leave her alone....i mean you would think as gorgeous as she is i would never cheat right...wrong i did and i feel like a straight dog for doing her dirty like dat but she didnt do me no better she had a baby....while we was together now i know this may seem like some what the fucc type shit and any man would leave but im not every man namean that gorgeous little girl in my profile...yea dats my heart amirra lashawn jones....her middle name came from my name....crazy huh?.....well yea i been planning my future wit her for years and as of november 23 it will be 7 years of loving laughin crying and pain and i wouldnt change anything if i could.and although we havent been able to spend much time with each other i still wait for that day i can kiss her hold her and tell her how much she means to me and that day will come soon.....very soon
now im stucc in between a rocc and a hard place....as most may know me and my moms arent the perfect mother son couple ya dig to be honest i treat her like she is just another human being sad but true i have no choice the love that should be there was never formed so idk exactly how to love her and with that its hard for me to even be in this house like i been givin it some thought if i should move to NC wit my pops after i get out of job corps and just try and get on my feet out there or continue to put up with the bs i get here in this house.idk what to do im all types of confused i wish there was a way i can just get 5 stacks and start my life namean but i know like we all know that shit aint bout to happen tomorrow i gotta start somewhere....so im lookin at NC like a fresh start and my girl is behind me along wit a few people that know my situation and i just think it may be a good move...what you think?
damn i can really go on for days about all my problems and how fucced up shit is and how i wish it was better but im not bout to do that i just need to geta few things off my chest before my heart explode namean. well im tune into this roast on comedy central and try to squeeze out a few laughs for the night and pray for the best
Fast Lane
Its 1 am as the city lights begin to blurry together like a smeared oil painting on the windshield. She shifts gears and switch lanes speeding down 85. The engine roars and a slight chill rolls up her thighs. She grips the wheel tight just as he places his hand on her thigh; she glances at him and when she see just how slow and sensual he licks his lips it drives her crazy. She wants him so bad it hurts. The thought of his succulent lips places the kisses up her legs is turning her on far beyond comprehension. The roar of the engine is a dead giveaway, at the very moment his hand found what his wandering fingers were searching for. As his fingers traces the lips of her fully formed pussy lips she spreads her legs wider keeping her foot on the gas she speeds home. The kissing on the neck is what did it as soon she felt his tongue slide from the base of her neck directly up under her ear she was completely soaked. No longer was she worried about getting home she wants him now. He whispers in her ear something so explicit she almost crashes when she realizes what he just said. Hitting the turn signal she shifts lanes racing up the closest exit she can get to. By this time his finger have worked their way around her lace panties and now diving in and out of her wetness. She misses the turn but keeps flying nothing is going to stop her from feed her hunger. Off to the right she sees a turn leading off into the woods a little ways before it stops. This is her chance; she hits the lights and turns off into the ditch road. He pushes his fingers into her deep she stomps down on the breaks the front bumper just barley taps the guard rail. Throwing the car into park his hand pops right from in between her legs. He looks at her and smiles and she quick grabs his hand and brings it to her mouth wrapping her lips around the tips of his middle finger then sliding it to the back of her throat. Whipping away all evidence of her from his finger she moves to the next. She swallows every one of his fingers. Instantly he is aroused because if it wasn’t before, he damn sure is now. Realizing if he doesn’t unzip his pants soon metal and plastic are about to fly through the car any minute. She reaches her hand down into his pants getting a firm grip around his dick. He leans his car back and she pulls her hand from within to undo the pants. Before she could even get his pants an inch off his waist his dick sprung out landing right on her hand, just seeing it enlarged and thick veins revealing just how fast his heart rate is. She tells him to lift up so she can pull his pants off. Rising his hips in the air she slide his pants off his legs then taking his master piece into her hands and just is amazed at what she has been saying no to. All this time she has been sitting with the black stallion and been fucking around with these pony ass men. She stares at it for a second hoping she can handle it all but in the back of her mind if she can’t, fuck it she will try, try and try again until she can. Shifting in her seat to get a better position she arches her ass into the air exposing her bare ass to any woodland creatures watching in pure astonishment. She wraps her lips tightly around the head of his dick swirling her tongue around the slit making his tighten up. His mind is racing, his heart still pound from the 120 mph drive from the restaurant to this cut off in the road. Trying to position himself in just the right place so taking it all in will be easier for her. Closing his eyes he grips the back of her head feeling her warm tongue glide up and down increases his heartbeat. Switching hands he grabs a handful of her soft sweet caramel ass. The fabric of her skirt makes her skin the texture of velvet, causing his hand to slides so smoothly across her warm cheeks. She feels him growing more and more tense inside her mouth so she quickly removes her lips from him and climbs right into his lap. Sliding her lips around the head she lowers herself on to him. All she can think is “Damn he is a lot bigger than I thought” as she bites her lip as she feels him stretching her walls. His mind is stuck in the fast lane. Is this really happening? Damn near ass naked in passenger of a luxury sports car with a gorgeous woman riding his dick like a cowgirl training school. To make sure this was all real he grabs a handful of her ass and squeezes them and she moans loudly letting him know this is so for real. The intense heat forms small bead of sweat on her brow and around her neck giving her a certain…glow. He places her face in his hands and pulls her in for a kiss feeling her soft lip part with his allowing her to dart her tongue quickly in and out of his mouth. The back and forth motion of her hips grinding against his causes her clit ring to rub against the base of his dick. With one hand on his shoulder and the other on the ceiling of the car she delivers deeper and harder strokes. Feeling her walls grip him tighter and tighter he knows what is coming. He grabs her hips as he elevates his, filling her to the brim. He rolls with the sway of her body up and down slight rocking back and forth as she goes. Her faces give it all away. She opens her mouth but no word come out only the sound of lust the pure essence of infatuation pore from her body. She digs her nails into his chest and ignites the fire within him. He grips her shoulder blades pulling her deeper into him. Holding her tight her works himself in and out of her forcing her 10 second visit to ecstasy to turn into an outstanding orgasm somehow frozen in time. Seems like the deeper he goes the more she cries out. As she reveals the satisfaction she is receiving she moans out “I want you cum”. Hearing these words send his penis into frenzy. The engine within roars and his piston pound away at the sweet velvet walls of her kitty. With a quick grab of her hips to sturdy her rapid strokes he tells her he is ready to pop. This is the moment she has been waiting for. With no hesitation she spring off his dick, reaching for his twitching piston she places it into her mouth. A firm hold on the door and one hand on her ass release the load she has been itching for. Feeling her mouth fill with his cum she lift her chin and swallows it all. Licking her lips as he wipes away a small drop missed and places it back into her mouth with his finger. With aired out nuts and a mind full blown he doesn’t even have energy to pull his pants up. Her dress is a mess his pants refuse to come up. Both are spent, extremely happy at tonight’s turn-out. After putting themselves back together, she places the keys in the ignition. She pulls the car out from their secret sex spot and jumps right back on the road. It’s now 3 am, no cars no truck just them and the road….then she feels something. She looks down to see his hand running back up her tight. “Clearly” she says “this man hasn’t gotten enough”. He looks over at her and says “oh we are far from over baby….let’s see if we can make it to the house before round 2 jumps off”. “ No problem “ she says, pushing the car to 60 and putting on the cruise control she lets go of the gas and opens her legs wider. This turned out to be one hell of a first date
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