Afro American
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Tired
#honestly....there are entirely to many lesbians in my got damn family....that shit is far from acceptable and its slightly repulsive....then being that they are a "no-mans land" kinda family ( rarely men stick around ) all they do is pop shit about how men dont do this andf how men dont do that yet...yall dont know how to raise one...shit it took a uncle who was in jail most of my child hood and the streets and music to raise me...yall just provided the "material" things. not once have i had a actual sit down and parlay with a man from my family....cause none of they asses was around ...or couldnt stick around because they couldnt deal with all this bullshit they love to dish out...i cant stand this shit yo
Monday, August 23, 2010
how can one man save the world?...
"For god so loved the world he gave his only son".......dont wanna blasphem but they world aint saved yet.I mean shyt who am i to talk...as far as i know my dad was a damn big time drug dealer gang bangin crackhead...not no religion startin power havin big guy in da sky but that doesnt stop me from trying to save the world.every person that has come to know me i am more then just teddy the nigga who knows millions of females and has da answer to everything or tekneek da rapper neva scared to battle nebody murda anythign movin...they know Tashon Jerrel Tutt...the real me the guy who wants everybody to like him or they guy who is always there to consul anybody over any issue and usually have a remedy..but not this time this time i need help...i have spent the last couple years of my life dedicated to helpin my damn self when deep in my heart i want to help everyone around me i want zaria n khaya n lauren( my niece n 2 sisters) to be happy i want all my homeboys and they ppl to be happy but i mean damn i cant do it alone.all my life i have felt like if i make everybody around me happy then shyt maybe thing wud be easier for me u kno...i was fooled big time nobody gives a damn about how u feel or what ur tryin to do all they care about is them them them fuck them.....i mean when is a nice guy bein too nice namean? im the type of person who will give my all no matter what it is be it relationship friendship i dont give a damn im im doin a damn puzzle...ima solve dat bitch wit 110% effort namean so why when i try n try to help some people i give dat same effort yet nothing happens i mean nothing they dont change i dont feel any better nothing so what am i to do?.....how can i change da world if nobody wants to give even a lil bit of themselves to the cause nobdy wants to help out not even a lil bit.....shyt i say fuck nowadays and do my own thing i got enuff issues in my life then to worry about u and urz..i mean i wanna help sure im always hea but i refuse to put myself out der....hell naw fuck dat and fuck it well
Quality
okay as i sip my ginger tea and listen to lupe fiasco sunshine
i begin to remember when my sun would shine bright...and i begin to miss her
i begin to miss the good quailty of woman and begin to remember how i would sit up and just imagine a woman...My Dream Girl My Princess My Queen My REAL WOMAN....i mean where do i begin i feel as though she has fallen from the pedastol men have once put her on.In her own right yes she has begun to deteriorate from within herself and has caused her soul to become tainted with these illusions of grandeur and a life style that is in no way possible and shouldnt even be acceptable by any woman with with standing morals and character.For me it speaks to me how a woman carries herself.My Queen will never be spoken to or even speak or look at herself in such a way where as she feels remorse or any type of feelins towards her apperance...for she will hold her head up high and pay not regard to these false hope filled women...she will walk with the mind of a worldleader and the grace of a single white dove for her feather shall not flutter nor shall they be faultier as the move strong towards the mountain which i call true love and happiness...where she can rest her wings and enjoy her place as ruler of her empire where we shall grow and flurish as one...now i knowthis may sound like a fairytale or some sort of extreme type of game but man...when you think about who doesnt want a woman who is determined goal oriented knows what she wants and will not stop until she gets it...and if you and her are chasing the same thing i mean come on do you or even can u imagine the impact you will have on each others lifes?
i begin to remember when my sun would shine bright...and i begin to miss her
i begin to miss the good quailty of woman and begin to remember how i would sit up and just imagine a woman...My Dream Girl My Princess My Queen My REAL WOMAN....i mean where do i begin i feel as though she has fallen from the pedastol men have once put her on.In her own right yes she has begun to deteriorate from within herself and has caused her soul to become tainted with these illusions of grandeur and a life style that is in no way possible and shouldnt even be acceptable by any woman with with standing morals and character.For me it speaks to me how a woman carries herself.My Queen will never be spoken to or even speak or look at herself in such a way where as she feels remorse or any type of feelins towards her apperance...for she will hold her head up high and pay not regard to these false hope filled women...she will walk with the mind of a worldleader and the grace of a single white dove for her feather shall not flutter nor shall they be faultier as the move strong towards the mountain which i call true love and happiness...where she can rest her wings and enjoy her place as ruler of her empire where we shall grow and flurish as one...now i knowthis may sound like a fairytale or some sort of extreme type of game but man...when you think about who doesnt want a woman who is determined goal oriented knows what she wants and will not stop until she gets it...and if you and her are chasing the same thing i mean come on do you or even can u imagine the impact you will have on each others lifes?
Difficult Men
Atarah i want to dedicate this whole note to you the one who inspired this whole topic...lets get to it shall we?
Okay so its been said through the years that i am a very difficult person to love which i can say is true i mean its been years and years of stress from different Women i mean why should i trust any of them right? I mean they always saye the way a Man treats his mother is necessarily the way he will treat his Wife which for me this was far from true. I hated my mother up until a couple weeks ago and ill be the first one to tell you i would love any females with all my heart simply because i couldn't give that love to my mother so they way he wants to treat his mother is the way he will treat you should be the new saying right?.But back to basics....i have been asked to help explain why Men are difficult now while i cant speak for all Men i can speak for me and when i tell you it takes a Real Women to love me because as a Man there are certain things we feel as though we need. Loyalty.Trust..Respect.Honor and above all......Love UNCONDITIONAL LOVE....We want a Woman that can with stand out bullshit because in the end we know we will give her the world and fight to the death for our lady well shit....i know i will...But since i was a lil kid you know you see the females in school with the nice cloths and the prettiest of friends and as a true hood nigga...i was scared to approach any one of them i mean we could be friend all day sure but when it came down to being with one Man please you got better luck trying to get me to hang my self lol but sometimes a Man get lonely and you want a female but when you feel like you cant live up to her standards without evening talking to her one time a Man will make up in his mind that he is inadequate and will no longer pursue the girl of his dream simply because we as Men we are scared of failure never let any Man tell you different because if he is not afraid to fail i feel like he is okay with failure and as a Man... Man....that is just not acceptable.Sometimes Woman make it impossible for real Man to love them.A Man wants to be there for everything you can possible need we want to feel like we are more or less wanted then needed we want to have our Woman miss us when we are gone or we want our girl to cry on our shoulder instead of running to one of her funky ass lil home girls who is probably single her self and is going to do nothing but give her some fucked up advice that her momma gave her and that same advice very well maybe the reason why you lose you Man...think about it ladies how often do take your friends advice and lose your Man but because its advice form a friend you feel like the consequence was worth it and you are okay with losing him and say thank you friend.....mean while you miss the shit outta him and you don't want to tell her because you know now her advice ain't worth shit.....happens all the time....but back to Men....we struggle with love this we do we are terrified that the way we are longing and giving ourselves is not the right way and far to often do woman just let a Man love them any ol kind of way and settle for false love and fake hope and don't fight for the true love they should be receiving so men began to follow the footstep of all the bastard seeds they see loving wrong because those are the ones with the girls....think about it how often do you see some of the worlds most beautiful Women in a abusive relationship yet she doesn't wanna leave and he doesn't want to change...what can we do to change this start with your self ladies and Men start with yourself you have to understand what your heart needs and wants in a soul mate and you have to be able to see the fake from the real and vica versa.....
let me take a sip of my tea......
Now Men are strange creatures yes we are we do and we think in ways no one can really understand except the man committing the action can know.So with that being said picture this...you have in one hand a man who wants to do right by his woman he loves her dearly and will give his last oz of blood to support her life and in the other hand you have a selfish Woman a evil spirited wants nothing but everything for herself type Woman....what will happen people.....option A he can try to conform to her ways and become submissive allowing her to strip him of his pride and run him barren and strip him of whatever he has left that still was making him Man...now option b he can get the fuck on and try to find love somewhere else but since we are so afraid of being alone we allow situation like that to hold us and bind us and when we do come out the relationships finally we are so broken and torn we are like a caged lion just released into the wild....our heart is not in it...we aren't use to the fierceness of love and how great the feelings is and out soul is so small we cant hold it all so we fold and settle...damn.......what makes Real Man...is it his money? his worth in material things? the way he walks talks? or is it in his actions and the way he shows his self to the world and the way in which he handles situations and how he try's every day to do better for him and the ones he love? this is up to the Man himself and how he wants to precevied in the world....hope i didn't spell that wrong ...any way...it takes alot to be a Man and it is hard for a man to really open up to any woman simple because a Real Woman can destroy our very self esteem if we allow such things and a Real Woman can bind us with all her love and never let us go and as bad as we want that we are scared that we may get one of the many great pretenders out here and fall victim to a mulish love crime.Now its been a long time coming and Men as WHOLE still have a long way to go just as Women do too....but i don't see why if we know what makes us tick lets find someone who can do it in unison right?
Spoken Word
Okay so its been said through the years that i am a very difficult person to love which i can say is true i mean its been years and years of stress from different Women i mean why should i trust any of them right? I mean they always saye the way a Man treats his mother is necessarily the way he will treat his Wife which for me this was far from true. I hated my mother up until a couple weeks ago and ill be the first one to tell you i would love any females with all my heart simply because i couldn't give that love to my mother so they way he wants to treat his mother is the way he will treat you should be the new saying right?.But back to basics....i have been asked to help explain why Men are difficult now while i cant speak for all Men i can speak for me and when i tell you it takes a Real Women to love me because as a Man there are certain things we feel as though we need. Loyalty.Trust..Respect.Honor and above all......Love UNCONDITIONAL LOVE....We want a Woman that can with stand out bullshit because in the end we know we will give her the world and fight to the death for our lady well shit....i know i will...But since i was a lil kid you know you see the females in school with the nice cloths and the prettiest of friends and as a true hood nigga...i was scared to approach any one of them i mean we could be friend all day sure but when it came down to being with one Man please you got better luck trying to get me to hang my self lol but sometimes a Man get lonely and you want a female but when you feel like you cant live up to her standards without evening talking to her one time a Man will make up in his mind that he is inadequate and will no longer pursue the girl of his dream simply because we as Men we are scared of failure never let any Man tell you different because if he is not afraid to fail i feel like he is okay with failure and as a Man... Man....that is just not acceptable.Sometimes Woman make it impossible for real Man to love them.A Man wants to be there for everything you can possible need we want to feel like we are more or less wanted then needed we want to have our Woman miss us when we are gone or we want our girl to cry on our shoulder instead of running to one of her funky ass lil home girls who is probably single her self and is going to do nothing but give her some fucked up advice that her momma gave her and that same advice very well maybe the reason why you lose you Man...think about it ladies how often do take your friends advice and lose your Man but because its advice form a friend you feel like the consequence was worth it and you are okay with losing him and say thank you friend.....mean while you miss the shit outta him and you don't want to tell her because you know now her advice ain't worth shit.....happens all the time....but back to Men....we struggle with love this we do we are terrified that the way we are longing and giving ourselves is not the right way and far to often do woman just let a Man love them any ol kind of way and settle for false love and fake hope and don't fight for the true love they should be receiving so men began to follow the footstep of all the bastard seeds they see loving wrong because those are the ones with the girls....think about it how often do you see some of the worlds most beautiful Women in a abusive relationship yet she doesn't wanna leave and he doesn't want to change...what can we do to change this start with your self ladies and Men start with yourself you have to understand what your heart needs and wants in a soul mate and you have to be able to see the fake from the real and vica versa.....
let me take a sip of my tea......
Now Men are strange creatures yes we are we do and we think in ways no one can really understand except the man committing the action can know.So with that being said picture this...you have in one hand a man who wants to do right by his woman he loves her dearly and will give his last oz of blood to support her life and in the other hand you have a selfish Woman a evil spirited wants nothing but everything for herself type Woman....what will happen people.....option A he can try to conform to her ways and become submissive allowing her to strip him of his pride and run him barren and strip him of whatever he has left that still was making him Man...now option b he can get the fuck on and try to find love somewhere else but since we are so afraid of being alone we allow situation like that to hold us and bind us and when we do come out the relationships finally we are so broken and torn we are like a caged lion just released into the wild....our heart is not in it...we aren't use to the fierceness of love and how great the feelings is and out soul is so small we cant hold it all so we fold and settle...damn.......what makes Real Man...is it his money? his worth in material things? the way he walks talks? or is it in his actions and the way he shows his self to the world and the way in which he handles situations and how he try's every day to do better for him and the ones he love? this is up to the Man himself and how he wants to precevied in the world....hope i didn't spell that wrong ...any way...it takes alot to be a Man and it is hard for a man to really open up to any woman simple because a Real Woman can destroy our very self esteem if we allow such things and a Real Woman can bind us with all her love and never let us go and as bad as we want that we are scared that we may get one of the many great pretenders out here and fall victim to a mulish love crime.Now its been a long time coming and Men as WHOLE still have a long way to go just as Women do too....but i don't see why if we know what makes us tick lets find someone who can do it in unison right?
Spoken Word
Dirty Laundry.....time to clean up
no one like to do it
no one wants to be the one
to drag all the dirty laundry out the house
stuff the washer and wait...
wait for all the filth and all the grim to be washed away
a minor task to some
some even do it on a more hands on approach but we all do it
our dirty laundry
the stress from a long week can stain the brands of a new shirt
the tears soaked into her sheets as she cried herself to sleep
the blood from the fight
all of this is our dirty laundry
we let them build and pile up waiting til the right time
filling out bags with the hurt from a years past and the shame of yesterdays breakup
we wash
we take care in our cycles for we run our first to make sure all of all darkest secrets become clean letting them out to dry the folding them nice and neat just to pack them away again
the our purest white lies we take care with these hoping no one see us being as gentle as we can
we wash
finally when as is said and done we take our time and fold up our hurt and our pain and suffering all the tears we shed and blood we spill we pack them nice and tight to give the illusion everything is just fine
so as we make a end to our laundry session we take pride in the work we done
we have washed away all shame all doubt all the pressure of the world....
and we are clean
no one wants to be the one
to drag all the dirty laundry out the house
stuff the washer and wait...
wait for all the filth and all the grim to be washed away
a minor task to some
some even do it on a more hands on approach but we all do it
our dirty laundry
the stress from a long week can stain the brands of a new shirt
the tears soaked into her sheets as she cried herself to sleep
the blood from the fight
all of this is our dirty laundry
we let them build and pile up waiting til the right time
filling out bags with the hurt from a years past and the shame of yesterdays breakup
we wash
we take care in our cycles for we run our first to make sure all of all darkest secrets become clean letting them out to dry the folding them nice and neat just to pack them away again
the our purest white lies we take care with these hoping no one see us being as gentle as we can
we wash
finally when as is said and done we take our time and fold up our hurt and our pain and suffering all the tears we shed and blood we spill we pack them nice and tight to give the illusion everything is just fine
so as we make a end to our laundry session we take pride in the work we done
we have washed away all shame all doubt all the pressure of the world....
and we are clean
Love wont let me wait
As the clock strikes 3
i sit
and i wait
wait for my love
where has she gone for it has been far to long
i have watched as we have grown from puppy love to great dane hearts
i love how she loves me
her kiss is what i miss most of all
lips as precious as jasmine flowers i wish she were here
i need that love
that bright star burning sensation she gives me
my heart
i desire her love as a patients desires care
i require her heart as she deserves myne
i love her
i miss her
my mami when will she come back home............
i sit
and i wait
wait for my love
where has she gone for it has been far to long
i have watched as we have grown from puppy love to great dane hearts
i love how she loves me
her kiss is what i miss most of all
lips as precious as jasmine flowers i wish she were here
i need that love
that bright star burning sensation she gives me
my heart
i desire her love as a patients desires care
i require her heart as she deserves myne
i love her
i miss her
my mami when will she come back home............
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